Isolation, Melancholia and Second Hand Guitars
by djangoo
Summary: Formerly known as 'Amour' by jangoo. Bella Swan is struggling to keep her life from falling apart. With the introduction of Edward Masen into her life, will things change for her? Or, will he drag her further into darkness? E/B. AU. No JB.
1. Chapter 1: Preface

**Disclaimer**: I do not own these characters. If I did, I'd be stinking rich.

**AN**: Just a short reminder that this is not, in any way, a form of plagiarism. I own the right to this fanfiction story. I am jangoo.

There's a time in your life when you realise how much of a sick, twisted bastard God must be to allow such horrible things happen to you. I'd finally reached that point– I was completely baffled at how generous He had been, yet how entirely sadistic He'd been, too. To give so much, and to follow through by taking even more away...it was unjust. How could I possibly bear to face each day knowing that our lives were in such cruel hands? I couldn't. It was simple, really. I just couldn't. I'd once been a fairly religious person. Honestly. Mother and father used to drag me along to church on Sundays, and I would occasionally listen and absorb the faith spilling out from the priest's mouth. I had no problem with God, and he seemingly had no problem with me.

However, any ounce of hope or faith I once held was now completely gone. I found it strange to be pondering religion whilst I was staring down at a dead body. Of all the things to be thinking of, I was focused on the age-old debate of whether God was factual or not. Pathetic, yes, but not unusual of me. I was an odd case to say the very least. To further send my situation down the path of utter peculiarity, the dead body beneath me was that of my recently passed mother. Upon that realisation in my mind, a pain that I'd never experienced seized my heart with an agonizing grip. I gasped, bringing a shaky hand up to my chest, and began to weep. She looked so wonderfully peaceful, and I couldn't help but be overcome with jealousy. In death, she would never have to experience this pain. I found myself wanting to join her with an unyielding passion.

Beyond my despair was still some lingering denial. I'd spent my few days ignoring the paperwork and arrangements for her funeral simply because I refused to believe that my mother was gone. She had been my reason, my life for such a long time. I lived _for_ her. Accepting her death would ultimately mean the destruction of my own.

I couldn't recall how long I'd been standing at her casket for, staring at her pale features. Nobody asked me to move. I think they might have been too afraid to. I certainly would be. To the outsider's vision, I must have looked a mess. Surely a son experiencing the death of his mother would cause him to become distraught, yes. But I was...well, I looked fucking psychotic, frankly. My shaking limbs were forever present and my mind often wandered into a fantasy world, where my family was whole again. I barely paid attention to reality these days, because it was plainly too difficult to face.

Another slip into that world, and I completely ruined my mother's funeral. It happened quite suddenly, like a crucial piece of my mind broke away, and I became unhinged.

"Mom" I said loudly, causing the murmur of talk in the crowd to completely disappear, "Why?" Her face did not change; her body remained stiff and cold. I placed an unsteady hand on her heart and felt nothing but ice. "You bitch" I snarled, suddenly taken by the crazed, grieving son inside of me, "_You fucking bitch_."

"Dear boy, keep your voice down!" remarked the priest with wide eyes. I looked up at his horrified expression and discovered that instead of regretful, I was hysterical with laughter. It started off as nervous chuckles but soon developed into hoarse, loud chokes of unstoppable mirth. "Dear boy, I suggest you cease this behaviour, or you will be escorted from this funeral!"

As quickly as the turn had occurred, it vanished, leaving me confused and downright embarrassed. I gasped, placing a hand over my mouth in utter shock. The priest before me was eyeing me with concern and disapproval, and all I could muster was a weak "sorry" as I stumbled back to my seat. As the service continued, I could feel the many glares from the mourners burning a hole through the back of my neck. Amid all of my embarrassment and regret, I felt anger. They had no right to be judging me; they had not just lost their only reason for living. They had not come home to find their mother dead on the floor in a pool of vomit and blood. Their mothers had not killed themselves because of their deadbeat son.

Greif commanded every inch of my body as I began to weep. I dropped my head into my rough hands and did not surface until the service had ended. Once it had, warm hands took each side of my face and pulled it up. Though my eyes were strained and cloudy, I could easily see the owner of the warm, soft hands. Bella Swan.

I abruptly became regretful of my behaviour, more-so now than I had before. It almost overcame the anguish I was feeling. Bella had been here for me all along; my mother was not the only reason for my existence. I'd considered suicide momentarily without even considering Bella. I was a wretched, awful human being. I did not deserve such an amazing girl to call my own.

"Edward, everything will be alright" she said softly, wrapping her arms around my shoulders. Her stare was so intense that I had to look away briefly- her eyes were filled with several emotions I could not yet deal with. Pity was the outstanding feeling in her deep brown eyes; something I had never been able to comprehend or handle very well. But it was Bella and not I who was the one to be pitied in this situation. She had an unstable boyfriend who was completely self-destructive and unpredictably insane, and she had also lost somebody today. She had, of course, lost a friend in Elizabeth Masen- my mother. But she'd also lost Edward Masen, for I was no longer the person she loved and cared for. I was void of feeling or care. Granted, though, I did still care for her. I loved her irrevocably, but that was not enough to keep me from the path that would eventually lead to my demise.

Every day I was travelling faster down that path.


	2. Chapter 2

**AN**: Responses have been great so far. Thank you all for your support.

**Edward.**

"Edward Masen, get up!" called my mother from downstairs. I could hear pots and pans being clanked about, probably on purpose to wake me up.

"Orrrrrite!" I yelled out; my words a complete slur. My voice was hoarse and uncontrolled as though I was hungover. Funnily enough, I was. I'd passed out last night shortly after finishing a standard sized bottle of whisky. I'd consumed it all straight; how whisky was intended to be drank, in my honest opinion. My mother had no idea of my escapades, and it was how I wanted things to remain. I realized that she probably had inklings towards my nightly alcohol abuse, but she refused to accept it. Things were easier the way they had been for the past couple of months. We took care of each other without asking questions. If I would arrive home from school and find her passed out on the couch, I would pass it off as fatigue. Likewise, if she would stumble upon a suspicious-looking cigarette in my room, she would convince herself that it was purely tobacco and nothing more.

"Now, Edward, I mean it." My mother was closer now, her voice travelling easily through the thin walls of our dilapidated home. While her words were stern, I could tell easily that she was having a good morning. I could feel the grin on her face.

"Wow, very intimidating, Mom" I spoke back, chuckling to myself while attempting to make myself appear slightly more presentable. I licked my hands and ran them quickly through my dishevelled hair, sprayed air freshener around my body and into my mouth. I swore at the acidic taste and pulled on clothes that had been lying around on my bedroom floor. Eventually, I stumbled to my door and pulled it open eagerly, excited to find my mother smiling sincerely for the first time in weeks.

"Good morning, Edward" she beamed, pulling me closer into a loving hug. The gesture brought tears to my eyes, but I hid them well- there was no way I would bring my mother down when she was having such a happy day.

"G'morning" I said lazily, following her retreating form down the rickety staircase to the kitchen. As I did, the smell of bacon and eggs slapped me in the face. My stomach replied in a willing rumble. My mother laughed a high-pitched, cheery laugh and I joined in. "I could do with a pig or two" I said, rushing to the round table stationed just near the stovetop, rubbing my stomach in anticipation. My mother, carrying two heavily-served plates laden with bacon, eggs, sausages and toast, sat down opposite me and served breakfast. I began eating immediately, finishing the whole plate off within minutes. "Perfect hangover cure" I said aloud having not considered the company I was in.

"I'll pretend I didn't hear that" my mother said cheerily, obviously on too much of a high for my apparent alcoholism to depress her further. "However, you should get ready" she suggested, stabbing a sausage with her fork, "You don't want to be late. You have that calculus test today, don't you?"

"First period" I assured her, "I'm looking forward to it."

"There's no need to be so sarcastic" she said with a smirk as I left the table to prepare myself for public view. Really, I didn't care what I looked like, but I wanted to impress my mother today, so I made an actual effort to look mildly respectable. I studied myself in the small, dusty mirror of the bathroom. It was a small room, so small you could barely take a step without bumping into the shower screen doors or the edge of the basin. The wallpaper had always been something I hated in the bathroom, and in the house itself. It was severely outdated and faded. Strips had been torn off from various drunken fights and moody arguments where the house had taken most of my mother's anger. Most.

With a sigh, I moved my eyes back to the rude-looking boy staring at me from inside the mirror. He had dark red bags under his green, watery eyes. I instinctively moved my hands to mess up my hair, and pulled out a few long, bronze strands in the process. This was not the first time something like this had happened. I had accepted that it was a side effect to my drug and alcohol abuse, and frequent malnourishment. There would be numerous days passing where I would not eat a single thing, and it was taking its toll on my body.

I'd not always been so self-destructive and disrespectful. I remembered a time when I was sincerely happy; when it seemed like nothing in the world could ever drag me down to a level of suicidal depression. But when my father died, five months ago, I certainly changed for the worse.

My father's name was Edward Senior Cullen. He was a rising star in the wondrous world of banking. We lived together- my mother, my father and I- in a small town named Forks in Washington. Admittedly, I never felt terribly close to my father, but that didn't make an ounce of difference when he died. I still loved him. He was still a role model to me, and both my mother and I took it very hard when he left us. It had been completely unexpected; I'd come home from school to find Mom in a state of unrelenting hysteria. When I found out why, I'd joined her.

I didn't know what had gone wrong with me, but something had, and I didn't see a way to fix it. So I lived the lonely, endearing life of a teenage cynic and alcoholic. And to be completely honest, it wasn't much of a fucking life at all. But I kept on, for whatever reason I was unsure, apart from the obvious need to keep my mother pleased.

After a very short, very cold shower, I dressed in a simple ensemble of jeans and a sweatshirt. It was inconceivably hot outside, so I reconsidered, pulling off the sweatshirt and stuffing it into my shabby backpack. Honestly, I could not remember the last time I wore a sweatshirt outside of the house. I'd grown so used to the cold weather of Forks that moving to a new state had definitely resulted in a shock to my system. I was affected by the heat far too easily; often causing me to whine and pout whenever I woke up in the morning with a thick sheen of sweat upon my face. I hated the warmth and dryness of Phoenix- our city of choice- but my mother loved it, so I rarely complained aloud.

Quickly examining myself one last time before retreating downstairs, I came to the conclusion that I looked slightly homeless. My stubble was thick and unkempt, likewise was my hair. My clothes were faded and sporting stains that my mother just could not get out. I could have bought new clothes, sure, but our scarce money could be used on more important things.

"Ready?" asked Mom, who was hovering over a recipe book and writing down what I assumed to be a shopping list.

"You're taking me?" I asked, sounding a little surprised. She waved her list at me and started to the front door.

"Shopping. I need to get all the fresh stuff before it's gone. I can drop you off on the way."

I shrugged and followed her out of the door, slipping on my sneakers in the process. We got into her car, which would have been embarrassing to drive around in if I cared about such superficial things. It was a small Ford that squeaked and groaned when driven, and I had to grind my teeth when the brakes were laid on. The screeching was almost unbearable.

We stopped by a coffee shop on the way to Phoenix Union- the school I attended- to purchase two extra large, extra strong lattes. We had extra time due to her speeding down residential roads, so we sat under umbrellas and drank our coffees timidly.

"We best get going" she suggested, eyeing her watch with a frown, "Even though I'd prefer to stay here all day with you."

I smiled, fiddling with the cardboard coffee container absentmindedly as I admired the delicate patterns covering it. "We probably should go. I don't think I can afford to be late for school much longer." Mom frowned more, and pulled me swiftly to her car. It wasn't as if I could help being late to school so frequently; on my mother's bad days, she often forced me to walk the hour-long trek to Phoenix Union. It was unfair and cruel of her, but there was nothing either of us could do about it. She had problems, she knew it, but even medication could do her no help. So we plainly accepted the fact that she was troubled, and got on with our lives.

Upon arriving at Phoenix Union, Mom hurried me out of the car with worry all over her face. "It's fine, Mom, I'm here now. I'm not going to be late" I assured her.

"Just hurry! I don't want you to be in more trouble" she said with a barely audible sigh. I reassured her with a bright smile and stepped out of the car lazily. She pushed me forward with her hand, and I whirled around to see her smiling cheekily at me. I stumbled backwards as she pushed me again, and laughed.

"Grow up" I joked as she erupted into a fit of giggles. "And don't take advantage of my awkward footing ever again." We'd established long ago that both she and I were incredibly awkward beings. Having stumbled into various walls and doorframes, tripping over nothing and falling off chairs, it was near impossible not to notice.

"Have a good day, sweetie" was her only reply as I slammed the car door and she drove away, her face painted with elation. I smiled to myself, wondering how on Earth I could have ever wished for a new mother, and made my way to the front building that was host to my locker.

I had to urge myself to take each step along the way, as I loathed Phoenix Union. The school had been utter Hell for me since I arrived, and the students had barely taken notice of me. The only ones that had, had only drawn attention to me by inflicting pain. It was common of me to arrive home with a black eye, or bruised ribs. I took it in my stride, though, never running away from a good fight. Every now and then I managed to deal a few punches of my own, which was an achievement, as it was usually three-on-one.

Once I appeared in front of my locker, I noticed that it had once again been vandalized. I groaned and stepped back so I could properly read the words etched in by a key.

'_Die, faggot.'_

Death was a sore subject for me, understandably, and I moved forward swiftly to bring my hands down on the harsh metal of my locker door. I continued pelting my balled fists against it until I felt blood trickling down my right arm. Halting my beatings, I inspected my right fist; there was a deep cut along my smallest finger, obviously having connected with the hinges. I cursed loudly and wretched open the door violently, grabbing my biology text book so I could make my way unwillingly to class.

_Congratulations, Phoenix Union, _I thought to myself bitterly, _you made my morning._

_

* * *

_

Biology was a pile of dog shit- there was no other way to explain it. The teacher, Mr. Jerry, had a deep, boring voice that nearly drew me to sleep every single class. He always wore a suit to school; for what reason? I had no idea. He looked ridiculous, and I often felt like walking up to him and shouting at him that he had nobody to impress because nobody paid attention to his boring lectures, anyway. However, I never did shout at him. I didn't see why yet another person had to be utterly miserable at this school.

That morning he spent the whole time giving a lecture on apoptosis. I had the feeling that my own cells would be eagerly programming their own deaths if I had to sit through one more moment of the class, when the bell for second period rang.

I was glad to escape.

Three more dull classes and then the bell sounded for lunch. I put my books into my locker, once again being overcome by anger upon seeing my ruined locker door, and began my walk to the cafeteria with my iPod in hand. Thankfully, I had a small amount of change in my front pocket. I could most likely afford a decent meal, but I was not particularly hungry. I'd probably buy just a Pepsi, like always.

I continued shuffling down the hall with absolutely no motivation whatsoever, until I saw _her_. Initially, I thought she was just another dumb slut getting way past second base with her jock boyfriend during school hours, but upon closer inspection I realized that she was trying to fight off the great oaf who was harassing her. Her face was hidden by the oaf's shoulders, but I could feel the anxiety emanating off of her. The rest of the students just walked past, as if it were no big deal. She was distraught and afraid and so…helpless. My stomach lurched in anger and sympathy, and I did something ridiculously out of character for an introvert like myself.

I shoved my iPod in my pocket and grabbed onto the back of the oaf's jumper sternly. With one, swift movement I pulled him off of the girl and whirled him around. His face was a little red, like she had tried to slap him. His expression turned from surprised to annoyed in seconds, and he snarled at me.

"Nothing to see here, you shit. Walk away."

"Get fucked" I spat at him, and reared my right fist back. He was too slow to see it coming. I drove my fist forward with built up energy and anger, and it connected with his perfectly sculptured nose- now a bloody mess. I laughed shrilly and followed through with another; and another; and another. It was a wonder, truthfully, that he didn't fight back. But I was glad, since he was a great deal taller than me and looked like he weighed twice as much. What I was doing to him in multiple blows, he could probably manage in one or two.

Finally, I dropped him onto the floor and kicked his trembling body aside. It was obvious that he was in a great deal of pain; I'd no doubt dealt him a broken nose and quite a few cuts and bruises. A strange sense of pride rushed through me, and I smiled down at his twisted features.

"You…little…prick" he gasped out as he lay on the floor soaked in blood.

"That's rich" I said, amused, as people gathered around us to see what all of the yelling and fuss had been about. I knew I was in for a suspension, but it had indeed been worth it. For once, I was not the one cowering on the floor. I'd dealt the pain, and it felt good.

The girl he had been harassing let out a whimper and stared at me with wide eyes, and I was momentarily taken aback. They were immaculate eyes; brown, sparkly and deep, as if they held each and every moment she had lived through. It was then that I took in the rest of her- she was beautiful; her ivory skin shone in the sunlight jutting in through the high windows, creating an almost transparent effect. She had dark brown, wavy hair. It curled all the way down to her cute little hips. It was incredibly long and I instantly wanted to touch it, yet I held back for her sake.

"Are you okay?" I managed to ask. _Wow_, I thought, _You're going soft, Edward. _She nodded through delicate trembles and abruptly ran off without as much as a 'thank you'. I watched her tiny frame escape through the doors leading outside into the blistering heat, and frowned.

_Last time I help anybody,_ I thought bitterly, strolling off to go buy my Pepsi. I left the oaf on the ground, withering in pain. I knew that, eventually, a teacher would approach me and deal with me, but first I had to intake some carbohydrates and chill the hell out.

* * *

**Bella.**

Of all the days I have spent at school, I have never had such a terrifying one. Even when I asked Taylor Carr to escort me to the summer dance, having him laugh in my face in front of the whole freshman year; that was upsetting. _This_ was traumatizing. I didn't even know him- he smelled of sweat and cheap cologne. His bulky figure told me that he was obviously a football player; they were always the obnoxious ones.

I'd been minding my own business, making my way to get some lunch after a perfectly fine morning of classes that I surprisingly didn't hate, and he grabbed my arm. _He grabbed my arm_. Alarm bells were sounding in my head, considering that nobody grabbed my arm. Ever. Nobody even acknowledged me. He quickly pushed me against a row of lockers and grinned at me playfully. It was as if he actually thought I wanted to be that close to his disgusting smell. I almost gagged.

"What's your name, pretty?" he asked with a deep voice. I cringed under his forever tightening grasp, and made the best effort I could to look furious.

"Bella Swan, and I don't want to know yours. Get off me" I growled. He didn't back away, instead running a dinner-plate sized hand down my ribs. I shuddered.

"Playing hard to get?" he teased.

"No" I replied curtly, "Get off me. Now" I hissed, planting my palm on his cheek in a feeble attempt of a slap. It seemingly did nothing to defer him. If anything, it spurred him on. He threw his head back in roaring laughter, and I used his momentary lack of focus to attempt an escape. I wiggled out of his grasp and tried to leap away from him, but I was pulled back with such a force that I swore aloud. My arm felt like it had been ripped apart, and I began to sob as he pulled me into his gigantic chest.

"Don't be like that, babe" he said, his tone now becoming frustrated. Fear gripped me as I finally began to understand that he was not going to leave me alone until he got what he wanted.

"Please, just let…"

I didn't get to finish my sentence. He moved his hands up my t-shirt and began placing rough kisses on my chin. I used all of my strength to move my hands and slap him again. He didn't seem hurt at all. I rubbed my hands and whimpered as he kept on kissing me and touching me. I tried calling out, but nobody cared or noticed. It was possible that they didn't hear me; but I wouldn't have counted on it. I had no friends, and everybody at Phoenix Union was either a jock or a complete whore- people who liked to prey on plain girls such as myself.

I closed my eyes and began to fret even more; I was nothing more than a helpless little girl. I would just ride it out, I decided. He would go away soon. _Just ride it out, _I told myself.

At that exact moment, I felt his weight leave me. Initially I was unable to open my eyes- I was far too afraid.

"Nothing to see here. Walk away" I heard my attacker growl through clenched teeth.

"Get fucked." My eyes sprung open at the sound of the malicious voice before me. I'd never noticed him before at the school; not until now, at least. I took in his copper hair, bronze skin and startling green eyes as he eyed me with a momentary look of shock. I didn't understand what I'd done that was so horrifying to him, but I couldn't bring myself to worry about it, as he had followed through with his threatening tone by punching my attacker straight in the nose.

A sickening crunch almost deafened me as it happened, and then all I could smell was his blood. He'd dropped to the ground after receiving multiple blows, quivering like an injured animal, with blood continuously pouring down his face. Soon he was soaked in his own blood. I stood there in a state of disbelief until the nausea hit me. Blood was something I couldn't handle, and had never been able to. The thick, rusty smell of my attacker's blood was causing my throat to tighten. I could feel the sick pooling in my mouth, and I knew I had only moments before vomiting in front of the group of bystanders.

"You...little...prick" I watched him gasp through pain. Through my nausea, I had to smile. Sadistic of me or not, I enjoyed hearing his weeps of pain. The copper-haired boy had growled more insults at him, and then pulled me aside. Once I was free to breathe again, the nausea subsided slightly. Or so I had thought.

He let go of me and moved away once we were out of sight of my attacker, "Are you okay?" he asked in a voice of genuine concern. Truthfully, I was fine- a little shaken up, but fine. I opened my mouth to thank him, but then the nausea struck again. All I could manage was a thankful nod as I bolted down the hallway to the girl's bathroom. I was sick in the basin; completely indifferent to the group of girls applying makeup and gossiping. Upon seeing me vomit into the basin, their faces twisted into expressions of disgust and they began to mutter derogatory comments at me as they promptly stalked out of the bathroom.

Now alone, I turned on the tap and washed my face with water. I was no longer feeling sick, but weak. The water was bliss as I scooped it into my hands and lapped it up appreciatively. Within moments I was feeling myself again.

Deciding to fill my empty stomach, I quickly tied my hair back in case there was any leftover sick in it, and popped a mint strip into my mouth. The smell of vomit was soon vanquished, and I felt confident that there was no longer any evidence of my episode. I made my way hastily to the cafeteria, where I purchased and apple and a slice of plain cheese pizza. I was hungry, but still wary of eating too much.

I took my tray to an empty table adjacent to a vast window, and I sat down with a sigh. My body felt completely destroyed. I'd obviously drained myself of more energy than I'd suspected. I fiddled with my pizza whilst looking out into the main courtyard. It was mainly concrete and picnic tables, but there was a few tall trees that made it feel homely. Their wide leaves were a very bright green- I found them to be breathtakingly beautiful; especially with sun pouring through in between each leaf.

It was then that I noticed the boy sitting against the base of the tallest of the trees. His coppery, unruly hair was taking in the sunlight and producing a brilliant shine that made my hair look even duller than usual. I watched him tap his feet along to the music being produced by his iPod until recognition hit me. Without a second though, I picked up my food tray and sped outside to where he sat. When I was standing in front of him, he still hadn't noticed me, so I cleared my throat. Nothing. I could hear his music blaring from his earbuds- no wonder he hadn't noticed me.

Awkwardly, I knelt down directly in front of him. He started, as if he'd just experienced an electric shock. "Come to say thank you, have you?" he asked bitterly. I did nothing but smile at him as I set down my tray and arranged my legs into a more comfortable sitting position.

"Make yourself at home" he said, raising his dark eyebrows.

"Gladly" I said, taking a small bite out of my apple. He sniggered at the loud crunching sound that erupted. I felt my face grow hot. "W-well" I stuttered, trying to ignore the embarrassment that was suffocating me, "I do want to thank you. I mean...yes. Thank you."

"You have really long hair" he pointed out, disregarding my thank you. I frowned, not sure of what to say. I ended up saying nothing, and taking another bite of my apple. I was not embarrassed by the noise this time.

He chuckled at me and took a swig of his Pepsi. "Is that your lunch?" I asked. He nodded and swallowed, shooting me an absolutely stunning grin. I had to remind myself to take a breath.

"Not hungry. What about you? You've hardly touched that greasy slice of pizza."

"I lost my appetite" I said darkly, "This apple is pushing it, frankly. I thought I was up for eating, but apparently I'm not."

"Is it because of that bastard?" he asked angrily. I knew who he was talking about.

"No" I said quickly, "I'm okay about that. I think. It's more what you did to him" I added meekly. He almost choked on his Pepsi.

"What?" he asked; confused.

"Blood" I explained, "It nauseates me."

"You threw up?"

"Maybe" I said quietly. I waited for him to reply as I pretended that my apple was the most fascinating thing in the entire universe. I twisted it around in my hands until I saw him shaking in my peripheral vision. He was laughing. "It's far from amusing" I snapped.

"I'm sorry" he said, having immediately stopped laughing upon hearing the tone of my voice. "It's just...well, I think it's cute."

"What's your name?" I asked after a long pause, deciding to forgive him for his rudeness. "I don't think I have seen you before."

"Edward Masen" he said casually, "Can't say I've seen you, either. Trust me- I would've noticed somebody like you."

"Bella Swan" I said curtly. "Wait, what do you mean?" I asked, completely missing the hint. He stared at me; dumbfounded for a few moments until understanding set in. He was flirting with me. "Oh" I said softly, feeling that heat rise in my face once again.

"You're blushing. Again" he observed aloud with an arrogant smirk. I rolled my eyes and was about to strike back with a witty remark, but I was interrupted by the sound of the bell. Lunch period was over. Edward stood up, finishing off the rest of his drink, and held out a calloused hand to me. I eyed it warily, deciding whether I was up for my next class or not. Remembering that I had chemistry, I took his hand without delay and allowed him to pull me upright. He'd pulled me into his chest unknowingly, and it took us too long to pull apart. The heat that was reverberating between us was extraordinary.

"Well" Edward drawled, obviously determined to vanquish the awkwardness in the air around us, "What class do you have now, Bella Swan?"

"Chemistry" I whispered, still partially taken aback by the intimate contact that we'd shared, "I...I should go."

"So should I" he said with a knowing smile. I raised my eyebrows at him to prompt him to explain himself. He not only ignored me, but walked away with nothing but a smug look upon his face. I stood by the tree for a few moments, unable to move, before eventually following his path to the lockers.


	3. Chapter 3

**AN: **Um, I have an apology to make. For some unknown reason (apart from my obvious retardation) I made a horrible grammatical mistake with this story's title. Please, don't throw things! I have always known melancholy is an adjective, and not a noun. So, why did I use it as a noun? NFI. The change to the title should be appearing soon, and I ashamdely beg for your forgiveness.

Now that's taken care of; here's Chapter 3. It was a hard one to re-write, I struggled through it without the usual support of my Beta. :(

**Bella.**

The sun was warm and comforting on my naked arms while I walked home from school. I couldn't help but smile foolishly as I travelled the pavement, humming a soft but familiar tune as I did so. It was twenty minute walk to my house from Phoenix Union; I walked the same route every single day. It was not as if I didn't own a car. I did, and I had no problem with driving, but it just seemed so unneeded. It was barely a five minute drive to school- a waste of fuel, if anything. Charlie, my father, could have easily carpooled with me on his way to work every morning, but he left far earlier than I desired to.

Charlie Swan was easily one of the most trusted and admired Chiefs of Police in Arizona. He served with the Phoenix Police Department and was regularly awarded for his bravery and unyielding service to the department. Charlie was extremely dedicated to his job; it wouldn't take a genius to realize that. It was an inconvenience some of the time, to be perfectly honest- I'd often go two or three days without engaging in conversation with him. Even though we weren't the closest father and daughter duo; I missed him. It was understandable since I rarely had interaction with other people aside from teachers at school.

I probably wouldn't have felt so lonely all of the time if I'd bothered to make friends in my first year of Phoenix Union. However, unfortunately, I was so used to being a social outcast that I remained as such for the entirety of my school years. I was in senior year without having experienced what it was like to skip class with friends, attend a high school party or even become a member of a team or club. Surprisingly, it hardly bothered me that I would graduate with only a small handful of cheerful memories- I just wanted to leave Phoenix and move on with my life.

Before I knew it, I had reached my front yard. The sun made the vast garden seem even more beautiful than usual; the lavender plants provided an aroma that carried all of the way to the front door. I breathed in the warm scent and walked inside. To my surprise, I found Charlie home and resting on his leather recliner- the television blaring in front of him. Football replays, as per usual.

"Dad" I addressed, walking over to him, "You're home early."

He turned to me, his dark eyes tired and strained. He looked exactly how I felt; weary. He smiled at me through the obvious exhaustion painted across his features. The smile didn't quite reach his eyes, but I returned it nonetheless. "Hey, Bells" he said, "How was school?"

"It was...great, actually" I admitted truthfully, a sincere smile breaking through. Charlie raised his thick eyebrows at me, prompting me to explain myself. "I had good classes" I lied. However, it wasn't a complete lie. Two of my classes had been great, but that might have had something to do with the fact that they both involved me sitting next to Edward Masen. We'd completely ignored the content of the classes, and instead spent the entire duration of each period chatting and writing childish notes to each other.

It had honestly been one of the most enjoyable days of my entire school life, even despite being attacked and vomiting in the girl's toilets.

"Well, it's good to see you smiling" said Charlie, turning his attention back to the television. I messed up his hair from behind and made my way down the long hallway to my bedroom. I spent that afternoon writing my literature essay, and studying for a trigonometry test I had coming up. Usually, I liked homework- I could express myself without fear of being judged. I would lock myself up in my room with a box of cheese crackers and study until my hands began to lose feeling. I felt comfortable.

But today...today I felt lonely. My thoughts were unfocused as I battled through my homework; all I really wanted to do was see Edward again. I couldn't reason why I felt so safe with him. It very well might have been so because of him rescuing me, but I was sure that wasn't all. There _had_ to be more to what I was feeling. You could not just go through life a complete introvert and suddenly feel so attached to somebody you'd just met. Life just wasn't like that.

The phrase 'love at first sight' had plagued my mind whilst calculating angles, and I had to stop to laugh at myself. What I felt towards Edward was not love, nor would it ever be. He was, for now, an acquaintance. It didn't sound very dazzling- Edward Masen, my acquaintance. But for me it was monumental. I'd never had anything close to an acquaintance; not at Phoenix Union, at least.

Frustrated at my lack of ability to focus on my work, I threw my calculator down on my wooden desk and stormed out of my room. I ended up in the kitchen, where Charlie was fussing over the microwave. I cleared my throat to announce my presence. He jumped.

"Christ, Bells, you scared me." I laughed. Charlie turned to face me; his face lit with self pride.

"What are you doing, Dad?" I asked warily, a smell of plastic and overcooked meat overcoming me suddenly, "You're not cooking, are you?"

"There's no need to sound so alarmed" he said with a fake look of hurt. "I just, you know, wanted to lend a hand around here for a change."

"Dad...you know you can't cook. Plus, I like cooking."

"I know you do, I know" he said offhandedly, turning back to the stainless steel microwave just as it began to beep shrilly, alerting us both that whatever concoction was inside was ready to be consumed. I cringed, awaiting the monstrosity inside to be revealed.

It was worse than I'd imagined. "TV dinners" I said distastefully as Charlie chuckled to himself.

"Well, it's better than my cooking" he reasoned. I had to disagree.

"You know, it _is_ possible to purchase good quality pre-made dinners these days" I criticised, crinkling my nose at the smell that was wafting out of the microwave. Charlie rolled his eyes and motioned for me to move to the dining room. It seemed redundant to sit at a formal dining table with cheap TV dinners, but I conceded even so. Charlie arrived a few seconds later with two steaming white plastic trays in hand. He smiled, serving my tray and then his own. We sat next to each other, rather than across, and chatted about our days.

Charlie spoke about the drug busts he'd performed, and I mentioned Edward.

"Is that the Masen boy?" he asked warily. I nodded with a mouthful of peas. "I've had to deal with him and his mother down at the station a few times" he added quietly with a frown. I stopped chewing and swallowed.

"You what?"

"That Edward boy has been in a lot of fights over the past few months."

"Oh" I said awkwardly. While I was feeling relieved upon the hearing that Edward was not a juvenile delinquent, I was struck with sudden sadness. Edward seemed like such a good, honest person. Who the Hell would even dare to hurt him? I might have had a slightly bias point of view, but I still imagined that he'd not give anybody reason to inflict harm upon him.

Then again, I'd only just met him. There was a lot I wouldn't know, obviously.

"Do you know who's been hurting him?" I asked, spearing a carrot with my fork. Charlie didn't respond immediately.

"I'm not really supposed to say."

"I'm your daughter" I reasoned, "I'm not going to go and spread the news to everybody." _They probably all know already, anyway._ I thought to myself, knowing the extent of gossip at Phoenix Union only too well.

"Just a few guys from PU" he said vaguely, "And..." his voice faltered, "His mother."

The sound of my fork hitting the ground was the only thing to be heard. I sat in my chair, gaping at Charlie; completely incredulous. His own mother was hurting him? Sympathy and despondency occupied my every being, and I knew that I had to be alone before I started to sob.

"I...I have to go. Thank for dinner, Dad" I managed to choke out, before sprinting to my room. I couldn't breathe properly; the enormity of what I'd learnt was suffocating me. It was a persistent pressure in my mind- my head began to ache. I'd never grown so attached to somebody so quickly. I didn't know how to handle the pity and grief I was feeling. Everything had become too much.

I passed out shortly after on the floor of my bedroom. I did not wake until late the next morning.

* * *

I must have ignored the buzzing sound of my automatic alarm. It sounded every single morning at 6am. It always, _always_ woke me up. This morning it did not.

When I awoke on my bedroom floor, I was momentarily confused. For a few seconds, I failed to remember why my eyes felt so puffy, and why my throat was sore. Then I recalled the many tears I'd shred last night- and how I'd not even had the motivation to get myself into bed. I rubbed my tender eyes, stretching out my back as I did so. I winced at the pain and swore; agony ripped through my back muscles. I regretted sleeping on my floor.

I sighed and slowly pushed myself upright. I glanced at my alarm clock- it read 9:45am. Understanding did not hit me for a good minute- when it did, I cursed loudly and shot up, ignoring the protests of pain from my muscles. I was late for school. I was _never_ late for school.

In record time, I managed run out of the door at 10am. I flung my backpack into my Volvo and set off, speeding down the residential roads. Within three minutes I pulled up in the Phoenix Union parking lot, fretting about missing too much of school. I'd hate to fall behind in my homework.

I successfully received a late pass and made my way to third period. Thankfully, it was only literature class. Ms. Jenks adored me, and I had little doubt that I'd be able to enter class without even the least amount of scolding. I smiled as I walked to the allocated classroom, knowing who I was definitely going to sit next to. Edward was in my literature class. It was strange that I had never noticed his presence before, but then again...I usually sat in the first row, taking notes the entire class, never taking my eyes away from the teacher or my notepad.

Laughing at myself, I knocked politely on the door. Ms. Jenks answered with a surprised look. "Bella! I didn't think you would be gracing me with your presence today." I apologized and she insisted that it was no problem, completely halting her class to wait until I was settled down with my notepad at the ready.

I made my way to the table that Edward sat at. He had a slightly annoyed expression on his face. Once I was seated, Ms. Jenks continues speaking about one of our chosen novels for the year- _A Clockwork Orange_. When I was certain that I would not be overheard by her, I turned to Edward.

"Good morning" I said, staring at his profile. It was breathtaking, I had to admit; not the conventional profile, but still wonderful.

"You're late" he stated, his voice thick with an emotion I was unable to read. We sat in silence, with the voice of Ms. Jenks making the silence seem even worse.

"How...how are you today?" I asked feebly. He scoffed at me, and said nothing.

_Right, _I thought, _don't answer me._

After hours seemed to drag along, the bell for the next period sounded. It was my spare, which meant me sitting outside amongst the sun and trees reading up on class notes. I collected my things and set off to my locker without a second glance at Edward. If he was going to be such a temperamental friend, I was not interested.

I frowned, knowing that, truthfully, I was still interested. No matter how he acted, I was still incredibly taken by him. We just seemed to get along so perfectly well; I was not willing to give that up.

At my locker, I pulled out my chemistry notes, deciding that I should catch up on the content that I'd missed out on the previous day, since I'd chosen conversation with Edward over my education. _Stupid, stupid girl, _I scolded myself as I strolled to the main courtyard. I purchased a Pepsi at the cafeteria on the way. I settled down on a small patch of lush green grass and lay out my notes before me. _Alright, Bella, _I prompted myself, _right now is about chemistry, and not about Edward Masen. Forget about him. Study._

"Stoichiometry" I said aloud, opening chapter fifteen of my chemistry textbook. I got to work half-heartedly; my mind still focused on Edward. "Fuck!" I said after twenty minutes of staring at the same page. I really needed to sort myself out. Soon.

"Didn't anybody ever tell you that ladies shouldn't swear?" said a familiar voice. I looked up, seeing Edward walking towards me wearing a broad grin.

"You've certainly lightened up since this morning" I said curtly, pretending to study my textbook further. Edward didn't take the hint, planting himself down on the grass beside me. I sighed, "What do you want. Really?"

"What do you mean?" he asked, appearing truly taken aback by my bluntness.

"You know exactly what I mean. I don't want to be involved with you if all you're looking for is somebody to amuse you."

Edward blinked and said nothing. I fumed silently, sitting with my legs pulled to my chest. I'd abandoned the textbook; there was no point in even pretending that I was preoccupied with my work. I was too upset and angry.

Eventually, Edward sucked in a deep breath and spoke. "You don't know what you're talking about" he said, "I've had a rough morning and...and the only thing keeping me partially sane was knowing that I had somebody to talk to when I came to school this morning. You weren't there."

"That doesn't explain the rudeness" I said quietly, surprised at how open he was being. I'd never admit how upset he had made me. Not at such an early stage in our friendship. "I mean, what was I supposed to think? Jesus Christ" I said, raking my hands through my hair in frustration. Edward grabbed my arms and pulled them down to my sides. He maintained his intense eye contact with me for what seemed like a lifetime, until he spoke again.

"I am sorry. It won't happen again." I rolled my eyes- words didn't seem too significant right then. I couldn't bring myself to believe him.

His thin lips parted, and I braced myself for yet another lie.

"Friends?" he asked, holding my arms nervously. I swallowed hard, my heart racing as I came to terms with what he'd said. I couldn't deny him friendship, no matter how he'd acted. I didn't _want_ to refuse him, even if I could. I wanted to be friends with Edward Masen.

I smiled down at his hands clasped around my arms, "Of course."

**Edward.**

My mother woke me up again. She was my personal alarm clock; most of the time I would merely grumble at her and ignore her attempts to wake me. This morning, though, I was grateful. I didn't want to miss school.

_Fucking hell, you gigantic vagina, _I reprimanded myself for the bright attitude. _She's just some chick._

My mother banged loudly against my door. I called out to her to alert her that I was awake. She opened the door rapidly and moved towards me sitting up in my bed. I smiled at her, expecting a good morning hug, until I saw the look on her face; the lack of feeling in her cold eyes.

"I'm just going to get ready for..." I started, jumping quickly out of bed. Too late. She brought her hand above her head and, with infallible aim, brought it down across my eye. I grunted, falling back onto my bed from the sudden impact. She took a step closer to my bed and swung at me again- this time striking my lip. I cursed mentally as I felt warm blood trickle down my chin.

I dared a look up at the woman who was supposed to be my mother. She was panting- tears spilling over her eyelids at an expeditious rate. Her eyes were unfocused and glazed over, as if she were living on another planet; in another time. I'd no doubt she thought that she was. I always knew there was something amiss with her, but never bothered to explore it.

It only happened one a month or so, anyway. I could handle that shit.

"Get ready for school" she said, tearing me away from my line of thought. Her voice was ragged and uncaring. She looked at me with those blank eyes and walked out of my room, leaving me alone on my bed with blood dripping down my neck.

"Good fucking morning, yourself" I muttered quietly, wiping my chin with my hands. I looked down at them, seeing the deep red colour staining my skin. I began to cry. Harsh, uncontrollable sobs escaped through my mouth as I remembered a time when I did not fear my mother. When I truly, utterly loved her with no strings attached. It hurt to remember, so I stopped. A door slammed as I fumbled through my drawers for something respectable to wear. I heard my mother scream in irrepressible anger.

"Fuck" I said, pulling my hands violently through my hair that was damp from sweat. It was as if I had two mothers- it was a dreary, tiresome life to live.

I tried not to think about anything depressing as I showered and dressed myself. I did it all as quickly as I could, wanting to leave for school as soon as possible. This was not only to escape the horrid woman downstairs, but to see Bella Swan again. As much as I tried to convince myself that she was nothing but 'some girl', I was unable to repress my excitement to see her again. Calling her a friend might be pushing it, but she was something. I was not sure of what just yet.

I secretly held high expectations for what we would eventually become. I'd always wanted a close friend whom I could trust and did not annoy me to the point of violence. It had been months since I'd heard from my friends back at Forks High; I had abandoned any remaining hope of coming in contact with them again. To me, they were dead. Vanished from the world.

I was friendless. But would I be so much longer? It was hard to say when, but I knew there would soon be this fucking magical moment where Bella and I would establish what we were to each other. I just had to be ready, and so did she.

Very easily I could tell that she had trust issues, and that she was also somewhat of an introvert. I had not just been flabbergasted about her beauty, but the story that her face told. She'd been hurt before. Hurt in a terrible, unthinkable way. I couldn't stop thinking about what had happened to her.

To be honest, it was beginning to fucking frustrate me to no end. There would be periods of time where I would become this malleable human being- I was weak. I allowed myself to feel emotions that I had not felt for a very long time. Trust, excitement and most of all: hope. Between these periods of time, I would be angry at myself. I would curse under my breath at how idiotic it was of me to allow myself to become so attached to a fucking _stranger_.

I drove to school in my beat-up Chevrolet truck, munching down on a muesli bar and sipping a stone cold coffee along the way. I couldn't wait to see Bella by her locker at school, and when I approached her locker, finding the area around it completely void of any Bella-looking girls, I freaked.

Having just had one of the worst mornings in weeks, I'd desperately needed to talk to somebody. In the past, I would have simply pushed the darker emotions to the back of my mind and smoked up in the school toilets, but today was different. I actually found myself wanting to tell Bella about my morning. Not for pity- for the relief of finally speaking to somebody about something so important and intimate.

Plus, she might've cheered me up, a little.

I punched Bella's locker and hid my oncoming wince from those around me, stalked off to my own locker and collected my books for literature class- one of the two classes that Bella and I coincidentally shared. I did not let all hope die as I walked into the classroom; maybe she was early. Maybe she was running a little late.

_She has to be here, _I thought frantically inside my head, _I won't fucking sit through this class without her._

I sat at my usual desk with my books spread out in front of me in attempt to appear as if I was actually doing some amount of work. The teacher, Ms. Jenks, prattled on about some book as I fell deeper into anger and pain. Bella did not show.

* * *

After what must have been hours, a knock sounded at the door. Having given up any expectations of a late-arrival from Bella, I didn't bother to look up.

"Bella! I didn't think you would be gracing me with your presence today" said Ms. Jenks loudly. My head snapped up, and much to my surprise, Bella was standing at the door. I allowed a small smirk at the sight of her; she was completely dishevelled. Her hair was pulled back in a lose ponytail; flyaway hairs moved gently in the breeze being produced by the plastic pedestal fan in the room. Her eyes looked red and inflated- I put it down as exhaustion and not anything sinister.

Eventually, she ended up next to me, and I was suddenly overcome with anger. What had taken her so fucking long? I was in desperate need of her, and she hadn't been there for me. So much for trust. I gripped my pen tightly and furrowed my brows.

"Good morning" she said quietly, but happily. I could feel her gaze on my right cheek.

"You're late" was the only response that came to mind. The hostile tone of my voice did not escape me. I regretted it instantly.

"How...how are you today?" she asked nervously, obviously put off by my aggression. I wanted to turn around and pull her to my chest. I wanted to tell her how sorry I was, and that I wasn't a bad person. I wanted to know that she hadn't palmed me off in the same category of the bastard who'd attacked her yesterday.

But I did, and said, nothing.

* * *

Calculus was cancelled, so I spent half of my free period sitting in my truck listening to the radio. I needed a distraction. I lit up a cigarette and sucked in the chemicals. It was a mild distraction; and I was glad to be rid of the begging for nicotine in my mind, but it did nothing to soothe my nerves. Would Bella even speak to me again?

_Why does it even fucking matter? You don't know her._

After finishing my cigarette, my stomach produced a very loud and violent rumble. I gave into my hunger; trading the peeling leather seating of my truck for the cool metal chairs in the cafeteria. I scoffed down two slices of pizza and a banana. My stomach felt better, as did my head. But I still felt dreadful. I was a loser; a complete loser. I didn't deserve friends.

If I could have apologised, I would have, but I had no clue as to what class Bella had, or where she was. As I disposed of my lunch tray, I spotted a brunette figure sitting cross-legged in a small patch of grass. She had a small, delicate frame and was sipping a can of Pepsi. I smiled and practically ran to the courtyard where she sat.

"Fuck!" she said aloud, throwing down her pencil at her notes. I sniggered.

"Didn't anybody ever tell you that ladies shouldn't swear?" I said jokingly, grinning at her annoyed expression. I couldn't help but find her inconceivably cute when she was so frustrated. I wanted to squeeze her little cheeks and make baby noises at her.

I mentally slapped myself for being such a douche bag. _ Just go and apologise._

After a multi-minute session of arguing, I decided to take a drastic step. To be fair, it was not probably as drastic as I thought it to be. For normal, happy people it would happen nearly every day. But for me...Bella, even...I could imagine it being quite a significant step in a relationship such as ours; if you could call it a relationship.

I'd touched her before, but this was different. I concentrated hard on keeping my hands steady as I moved to hold her. I placed a hand on each side of her arms and brought them down to her sides so I could hold them tighter. Then I looked at her. I _really _looked at her, seeing more hurt than ever imaginable. I'd really hurt her this morning. I was such a fucking asshole.

"Friends?" I'd eventually proposed, still clinging onto her arms, feeling her soft skin against my calloused hands. She looked at me, staring into my eyes as I did hers, and studied me for a moment that seemed to go on for a lifetime. I was scared. I was scared of rejection; but only from her.

"Of course" she said finally, smiling up at me. I could have jolted up and performed an Irish jig, I was that elated.

"Do you want to come over tonight?" I asked. I'd not planned that- it was a complete spur-of-the-moment act, and I did not regret it at all. She nodded enthusiastically and I rubbed my hands up and down her arms. It was the perfect moment to pull her closer...and...

"Masen, Swan! Did you not hear the bell? Get to your next classes, now!"

"Fuck off, you dirty old bag," I whispered to Bella, who began giggling uncontrollably. We pulled each other upright and went to our next classes; each with exceptionally broad smiles on our faces.


	4. Chapter 4

**AN: **It's been ages, I know. I've been away. But I have another two chapters to upload over the next few days, because I felt horrible for leaving this update so long. You get presents. Bribery, let's call it.

Usual stuff. Characters are not mine, bad language, etc.

**Bella.**

"Oh. We each have a car" Edward said after school as he stood beside me, frowning at my Volvo. "Don't you live close by, though?"

"I do" I admitted, "But I didn't want to be even _later_ this morning."

He nodded, "So, d'you just want to follow me to my...place?" He hesitated before saying place, and I couldn't help but find his choice of words odd. Usually, people would just call it a home, or a house- not a _place._ Not in the way he said it, at least.

"I can drop my car off on the way, if you'd like" I offered. He seemed to like this idea, smiling and nodding his head.

"I'll follow you, then." I smiled back and unlocked my Volvo. It was then that I realized I'd not seen Edward's car before. I looked around while I plugged in my seatbelt and started my engine. It roared to life and I released the parking brake, still with no idea which car in the parking lot was Edward's.

My question was answered when a huge, burly red truck came chugging up behind my car, and I smirked. Of course Edward would have such an unusual car. It just suited him.

I drove out of the school and sped to my house. When glancing in the rear-view mirror, I noticed I had completely lost Edward. I began to fret that he'd driven the wrong way, or somehow become lost in his own town. I pulled into my driveway and quickly went for my cell, selecting Edward's number on speed dial.

He was number two.

Just as the dial tone sounded, a red truck appeared in a thick cover of smog. I chuckled to myself, closing my cell and locking up my car.

Edward was staring forwards with an odd expression on his face. He looked, well, _sad_. My chest tightened and I was not sure if I should ask him what was wrong.

As quickly as his expression had turned sad, it brightened upon seeing me approach his truck. I was strolling towards the side of the road where he'd parked, and I smiled in return. He jumped out of his monstrous truck and opened the passenger door for me, bowing his head as he did so. I giggled and stepped up into the cabin, attempting to pull myself to the seat.

I failed miserably, falling back down to the ground with a small '_oomph.' _Edward burst into hysterics and allowed a few seconds of hesitation before sliding his hands around my waist and pushing me up into the cabin.

I hoped he wouldn't notice the flush of red creeping up my neck.

Inside, the truck was significantly different than the exterior. Somebody had obviously refurbished the leather seats and matching dashboard. The cream-coloured theme of the interior was actually quite an obvious juxtaposition to the outside. I had to smile.

"What?" Edward asked nervously, climbing into the driver's side. "What is it?"

"I love your truck" I said simply, running my hands along the seats. "It's wonderful."

"You don't have to lie" he muttered as he started the loud engine with a flinch.

"I'm not lying."

"Well, you have weird taste. Personally I would commit a murder for your car. It's fucking...it's just...wow."

"I'm not fussed" I shrugged, "As long as I can get around..."

"Why such a pricey car, then?" he questioned, pulling onto the road and starting the trek to his home. He raised an eyebrow at me, and I hesitated.

"Charlie makes a lot of money" I said softly, "He buys the cars, I drive them."

Edward swore under his breath.

I wasn't certain if it was right to openly speak about the amount of money Charlie and I had. I was under the impression that while Edward might not have been poor, he was not exactly rich, either. Guilt overcame me as I gazed out the side window, hoping that he would not see the tears welling in my eyes. I was too emotional for my own good.

"Bella" he said after a prolonged silence, "I have to say...my place...it's not nice like yours. If you want to go home when you see it, I'll take you back."

"Edward" I said in what I hoped was a decent imitation of his too-serious tone, "It's fine. I'm sure it's nowhere near as bad as you think it is. Besides, I'm here to spend the afternoon with _you, _not your house."

A smile formed on his face, "We're almost there."

"I didn't realise how far you lived from PU" I said, "It's been almost a half an hour drive."

He nodded, "There is another school closer than PU is to my house, but we couldn't afford the fees."

"Oh" I said feebly, "I'm glad you chose PU." He studied me for a moment too long. "Ohmygosh" I said quickly, "I didn't mean I was glad that you couldn't afford-"

"It's alright, I understand" he said with a smirk. I sighed and tilted my head towards the window, watching the houses slowly pass my vision. With each minute, it seemed the houses became less and less attractive. Older. Worn out. Ancient.

"This is my...house" he said in an off tone, pulling into a quaint driveway. I released my seat belt and stared out of the windscreen at Edward Masen's house. I felt a pang of guilt once again, remembering my massive house and expensive car and seeing Edward's small, two story loft and ancient truck.

We were from two different backgrounds. I'd grown up with nothing but the best of everything, and I doubted that Edward had grown up with much at all.

Before I knew it, Edward was beside my door, opening it with a frown. "I told you it wasn't very nice" he said without making eye contact. He was staring at my stomach, his hands fidgeting at his sides. "Did you need help down?"

"I should be alright" I said, pushing myself off of the seat, hitting the ground clumsily. I stumbled forwards and Edward steadied me with his hands around my hips this time. We both blushed.

He cleared his throat, "My mom...well, you might want to ignore her. I do."

I pulled a face, and he watched my reaction closely.

"You know" he said tiredly. I nodded. "Of course you know. Fuck."

"It's not Charlie's fault, he-"

"Fucking hell. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck" he said each word at the same time he belted his fist against the side of his truck. I reached out a hand and grabbed his right fist.

"Easy" I said, "It's not a problem. I don't think any more or any less of you."

"I don't want your fucking pity" he growled.

"I did pity you, but now I don't. I just worry."

"Worry is just as bad" he argued.

"No. It's not." I moved my hand from his fist and ran it gently up his arm. His skin was rough, but warm and inviting. He stepped closer and put his hands back on my hips. My pulse quickened so much that I thought I might collapse. My whole body was calling out for more of his touch; something I was not familiar with.

"I think...I think we should go someplace else" Edward suggested, his warm breath tickling my neck, "I don't want you to worry. I don't want you to know her."

"Strangely, I want to meet her. I want to know her. Don't back out on me now..."

Edward released his grip on my body, "Okay" he warned me, "But remember; you wanted this. Not me."

"Sure" I mumbled, urging the redness in my cheeks to die down before I met his mom, or before Edward found some way to tease me. The intimacy we'd shared was..._intense_. It was something I'd never experienced before. It was just us, staring into each other's eyes, words being translated without actually being spoken.

I'd understood him more than I understood myself in that very moment. I was left feeling overwhelmed and completely bewildered.

He led me to his house, his hand wrapped protectively around mine. It wasn't suggestive or anything of the sort; it was sweet, caring.

I looked up at his house when we reached his plain front door. It was made of budget wood; even I could tell that. No stain glass decorations or faux diamond door knob; just plain wood and metal. It suited him. It was what it was. No bullshit, no pretence.

The house, as a whole, also suited Edward. I'd heard on television once that a house defined who you were. By no means did I believe the statement, but I was coming to realize that it might be half right.

His mother opened the door as Edward fumbled for his keys. I did not miss the glare she momentarily shot him before realizing that he had company. Her eyes began at our joined hands, running along the length of my arm and up my torso to my face. I tried to smile, but I was sure it may have come across as a scowl.

This woman was hurting Edward.

I took a moment to study her as she studied the two of us.

She had light brown hair that was pulled up in a loose ponytail much like my own. There was no doubt that she was beautiful, and like Edward, her looks seemed effortless; as if she couldn't care less what she looked like.

There was a bottle of alcohol in her hands. Her knuckles were white from straining her grip so hard around the neck of the bottle.

She was an alcoholic.

Her green eyes captured mine, and I instantly felt like I was staring into the eyes of Edward. Not only were they the same colour, but they were drained, tired, fed up. She was struggling just as hard as Edward was.

I did pity her, but I didn't allow myself to pity her too much. After all, she was no doubt the source of most of Edward's troubles. I'd not ignored the obvious swollen lip that Edward sported today; I'd noticed it and the slight bruise that was forming below one of his eyes. It was the first thing I had noticed about him this morning. I didn't mention it because, well, I didn't want to bring upon any more bad emotions, especially since he'd '_had a rough morning_.'

My stomach lurched at the thought of the woman before me uncontrollably harassing my friend. I wanted to hurt her in return. I wanted to scream at her.

But that wouldn't have made a very good first impression.

"Edward" she said finally; her voice croaky and dry, "You...brought company. Just a minute, dear." She looked at me thoughtfully and disappeared, returning shortly free of the alcohol in her hands. "Who is your friend?"

Edward gripped my hand tighter, "This is Bella Swan. Bella, this is my mom, Elizabeth Masen."

"Bella Swan" Mrs. Masen smiled, holding my shoulder lovingly, "Pleasure to meet you. Really."

_I wish I could say the same thing for you._ "The pleasure is all mine, Mrs. Masen. It's nice to finally meet you. Edward has told me _so_ much about you."

"Please, call me Liz" she said politely, gesturing for us to go inside. "What brings the two of you here? A study date, or just a date?"

Edward groaned, "We're just hanging out for a while, Mom."

Elizabeth beamed at me, "Make yourself at home, Bella. If I'd known you were coming, I would have tidied up a bit, made some refreshments. I'm afraid orange juice is all that's on the menu this afternoon."

"I'm fine, really, Liz" I said quietly, "But thank you."

"Well, you two have fun, I'm off to work. I'll be back in time for dinner. Please tell me you're staying for dinner, Bella?"

I hesitated, glancing at Edward for guidance. He was looking down at his shoes, either embarrassed or laughing. I couldn't tell.

"Um, sure, I'd like that" I said, in fear of saying the wrong thing to her. She clapped her hands together and disappeared into what I assumed was the living room, muttering about what she was going to pick up for dinner.

When she was out of earshot, Edward turned to me.

"I am so fucking sorry about her. You don't have to stay for dinner."

"I want to" and strangely, I really did want to. "She's...not what I expected."

"She has good and bad days" Edward explained as I kicked my shoes off, "...You really don't need to take those off. It won't make a difference."

I didn't know what to say, so I changed the subject, "When does your dad get home from work?" I asked.

"He's dead" he said blankly, "So, I'd say never."

"I'm...I'm so..." I began, unable to find suitable words.

"Don't" he pleaded, "Don't start with the pity. I've moved on. It's fine. Let's just go upstairs."

He tugged on my hand, and I followed him to his room.

**Edward.**

Having known Bella for a total of two days, she already knew a fuck load about me. More than most did. Initially, I was pissed off. I was angry. I didn't want that information about me getting out; I didn't want to give people another reason to treat me differently.

Fuck them.

But there was something about the way Bella held me; the way she told me that she didn't pity me any longer. I believed her, and I trusted her enough to confess all of my deepest secrets to her.

She knew most of them, anyway.

I wasn't sure why I'd invited her to my house. My house. Of all fucking places in Phoenix, I invited her _to my fucking house._

_Nice tactics, Masen, you fucking loser._

_Her_ house was a goddamn mansion. It was one of the biggest houses I'd ever seen with my own eyes. Her car was probably my dream car. I envied her, and I didn't like that.

She just...didn't seem like she was somebody who had that much money. She didn't come across like the other rich kids at PU did. She was gentle, kind, not a fucking snob.

Amid my jealousy of her castle and the embarrassment of my below average belongings, was the fear that my mom would do something, or say something, to scare Bella away. And I couldn't have that. I relied far too heavily on the girl to have her simply abandon me.

I smirked at the floor when I heard the undertone of sarcasm in Bella's voice when she was talking to Mom. The girl had guts; that was for sure. I wasn't expecting her to be rude to my mom, but she was, in her own way. I'd never imagine Bella could be so insincere with her kindness; I was almost taken aback.

The afternoon, surprisingly, had not been a total disaster like I was anticipating.

But there was still dinner.

I led Bella up the staircase, ignoring its squeaking, and stopped with her outside my bedroom door. I hadn't noticed, but I was caressing her hand with my thumb. It must have been a natural reflex, or something. I didn't stop when I noticed; I kept going. She didn't seem to care. In fact, I could've sworn I could see a smile in her eyes.

_Masen, shit, back the fuck off. _

"This is my room" I said, disregarding the scolding voice inside my head, "Go on" I said, giving her a little nudge towards the door. She glanced back at me.

"...How many girls have you had in here?" she asked sceptically. I sniggered.

"You, apart from my mom, are the first."

She nodded, seeming satisfied with my answer, and pushed on the door. She walked cautiously into my small room, examining the paintings and sheet music covering my floor and walls. I noticed the place was more of a pig sty than usual. I should've cleaned or some shit.

"It's not very clean" I said, attempting to neaten up a particular pile of cigarette buds and homework with my shoe. Bella giggled.

"It's probably cleaner than my room, to be honest."

I stared at her. Who was this fucking girl, and why was she different to anybody I'd ever met?

"Do you mind?" she asked, indicating that she wanted to sit on my bed.

"Go ahead. It probably doesn't smell too nice" I added. She snorted, and I felt my face grow hot.

_Fuck, smooth._

"I didn't mean-"

"Oh, I know _exactly_ what you meant" she said through snorts. I rolled my eyes at her, but I couldn't keep the smile off my face.

Soon, I'd joined her on the bed, and we were talking about nothing in particular. Conversation came so easily to us both. I'd never had that with anybody before. Not my mom, not even my friends back in Forks. I felt I could say anything to her, and we'd find a way to talk about it for a following few hours.

Bella's position on my bed had slowly evolved from upright and cross-legged to lying stomach-down, facing me as I sat on my floor. I was near incredulous to how comfortable we were with each other. It was fucking mind blowing.

"So" she said, playing with a strand of her hair that had fallen in front of her face, "Tell me more about the wonderful Edward Masen."

I sighed, thinking of what more there was to say. We hadn't exactly covered the basics yet, so that might be a start.

"My favourite colour is blue. My favourite food is pancakes. I love The Smiths. I play guitar and piano, even though I don't own a piano, I used to. I like to collect things. I like to speed. Libraries annoy me. And, uh, I enjoy taking baths" I paused; slightly embarrassed by my last admission, "Fuck" I laughed.

Bella wasn't laughing. She was staring at me with nothing but interest in her eyes. "Tell me more" she urged.

"Really, there's not much else that I can think of. I'm a boring person, Bella; you'll learn that soon enough."

"On the contrary, I find you really interesting" she said, "What do you collect?"

"I'm glad you asked that" I said pushing myself up, "Come with me" I said, grabbing her hand without faltering.

"Where are we going?" she asked, excited. I remained silent, though I was more than excited, too.

* * *

"Wow" Bella said, her hand slipping to her side limply, "Fucking wow."

"This is probably the only thing I'm proud of here."

_Fucking idiot._

Bella moved forward, beaming at the collection of second hand guitars I stored in the back shed. I had twelve so far; each completely individual from the next.

"Explain all of this!" she said, "I can't believe this. It's amazing."

"I know" I said, lapping up the praise. "I buy them cheap; really fucking cheap. Then I fix them up, play them once, and store them. I only really keep one for playing permanently. These are more like trophies. Well, that, and they don't sound too good."

Bella laughed, "This is beyond anything I would've imagined. I was expecting something like stamps."

"Stamps? You're fucking serious? _Stamps_?"

"I don't know" she said, still laughing, "I didn't think you could really collect guitars like this."

I took her hand, "Well, you can." I paused, watching her admire the guitars, "...Did you want to take one?"

"I don't play guitar" she said; eyes wide. "Besides, I wouldn't want to ruin your collection."

"You should take one, just temporarily, or something. Play around with it. You'd look nice behind a guitar" I said, unintentionally sound sleazy, staring at her body as I did so.

She blushed.

"Fuck, I didn't mean it that way" I said too-quickly.

"No. It's fine. Thanks. I'd always wondered what it's like to play one of these."

"Take an acoustic" I urged, gently scooping up one of my favourites. The Ibanez. Classic.

"I couldn't-"

"Just fucking take it, Bella" I laughed, "Stop being so goddamn courteous."

She accepted it, carrying it gently as if it were a newborn baby.

At least I wouldn't have to worry if it was being treated well or not.

We went back to my room, and I let Bella explore my record collection. She opted to play an album I was yet to christen, as I'd picked it up from a thrift record store a few days ago. I'd not yet had the chance to give it a listen.

"Cage the Elephant" she read slowly, "Haven't heard of them" she declared. I smiled. Of course she hadn't.

"Well? What are you waiting for? Put it on."

She did, and, when track one began playing, she started to bop her head along. It was the cutest fucking thing I'd ever seen, and that scared me. Something was wrong with me. Something was changing.

I stood up from the bed and began to pace, ignoring the angel on my bed. She was too lost in the song to really notice my distress, and for that I was glad. I had trouble keeping my mouth shut around this girl.

That was a dangerous thing.

When five songs had played, I heard the sound of my mom arriving home. I shut off the stereo and slumped on my bed.

"I guess it's dinner time" I said with a groan, "I think the only thing motivating me to do this is knowing that you will somehow find a way to patronize my mom."

Bella frowned, "I didn't patronize her."

"Please, Bella, I've never seen somebody be so insincerely nice. It was bitchy, and I liked it."

"No...I wasn't" she lied, "Okay, well, I was at first...but then. Look, Edward, don't take this the wrong way, but I like her."

I choked on nothing, "You _what_?"

"I like her" she repeated, "But I know she's sometimes a horrible mother to you. I know that, and I'm not willing to let her get away with it, but when she's not treating you like that...well, I can see that she adores you."

I snorted, "Alright."

"No, she does! I guess she's just not very good at coping. It's no excuse but...I don't think she'd ever intentionally wanted to hurt you. It's not her that's doing it. It can't be."

I didn't say anything. There was nothing to fucking say. Bella had hit the nail right on the head, and I was awestruck. This girl...she was something else. Something fucking else.

"Edward! Bella!" Mom called up, interrupting the awkward silence that had taken over us both, "I brought home pizza!"

"We should go downstairs" I said hoarsely, still perplexed by Bella's wisdom. There was no way in Hell that she was seventeen years old. I'd only known her for two days, and I had already come to the conclusion that she had the mentality of a middle-aged woman.

Bella was already strutting out of my bedroom door, shooting a look at me over her shoulder. "You coming?"

I nodded and followed.

Mom had actually out-done herself. Even though the meal itself was sloppy take-out pizza, she'd set the dining room table and even added a candle in the centre. Three glasses of water accompanied the pizza boxes, and I was glad she'd opted for H2O instead of fucking vodka.

I made myself a mental note to double check that it was water, and not actually spirits, inside her glass. You just couldn't trust alcoholics.

Trust me.

"It's missing something" Mom said, standing at the head of the table, frowning and chewing on her fingernails. "Something..."

I walked over to the portable radio sitting on the stack of shelves adjacent to my mom and flicked it on. Golden Oldies music filled in the background silence. Mom smiled.

"Now it's perfect" she beamed, "Dinner is served."

We sat down awkwardly. We ate. Bella said nothing horrible, and neither did my mother. I didn't say a word, seeing as I was strangely starving. I ate the entire cheese pizza, causing Bella to tease me and prod my bloated stomach.

I watched mom watching us. She had a look of happiness and curiosity on her face. She looked almost...human.

"Dinner was perfect, Liz, thank you so much" Bella gushed, obviously charmed by my mom's hospitality skills. I had to agree with her. Everything felt so normal and routine. I felt, momentarily, as if I belonged. It was a fucking great feeling; the equivalent of getting high after a week-long detox.

It wasn't really thanks to my mom, but to Bella. I knew that much.

"It's no problem, dear. The door is always open to you. I'm sure Edward has no problems with this" she said, eyeing me.

I nodded, lost for words.

"Thanks so much" she said genuinely, moving to clear the table. Mom put a hand up to stop her.

"Bella, love, I will do that. You and Edward can watch a movie, or something. We have a good collection."

"...Really? Liz, are you sure you don't want any help?" Bella frowned.

Mom laughed, "Please, Bella, I'm a mother. Cleaning a few plates is barely hard work. You two just enjoy the rest of the night."

Bella turned to me, "Do you really have a good movie collection? I couldn't tell if your mom was being sarcastic or not."

"We do, but, it's pretty..._vintage_" I hesitated, "You probably wouldn't like any of the-"

"As long as there's Elvis, I'm sold" she said, her tongue poking out of the corner of her mouth slightly. All I could picture was that tongue running across inappropriate parts of my body. This girl was a walking porno.

We settled down on the two-seater couch and began to watch Bella's choice of film. I could barely concentrate on Elvis or the babes on screen, as Bella was so close to me. Her head was resting just above my heart. She could probably hear how fast it was fucking beating. And her _hair_. Her hair smelled like...like nothing I'd ever smelled before.

I felt like kicking myself upon realizing the extent that I was obsessing over Bella. I was definitely in too fucking deep.

* * *

Two hours later, and it was definitely not an appropriate hour to be bringing home somebody's daughter.

I glanced over at Bella who was snoring softly, her head lulling with the vibrations of my truck. She looked peaceful. I liked it.

I didn't need to wake her up to know where I was going. I'd remembered exactly where she lived, down to every minute detail.

_Fucking stalker._

When I arrived at her magnificent fucking house, I killed the engine of my truck and turned to Bella, who was still asleep. I undid my seatbelt so I could lean over close to her, taking in her scent. She was...wow. I felt as if I could not possibly admire her enough. Nobody ever could.

_You are a fucking stalker._

A thick strand of hair fell across her face. I instinctively pushed it out of the way.

She twitched and her eyes reluctantly opened. I moved my hand back to my lap quickly. I didn't know if she'd seen. Fuck.

"Oh. I fell asleep."

"Yeah. You're home, anyway. Did you need me to walk you to the door?"

I tried to hide how awkward I was feeling. Getting all touchy-fucking-feely with a stranger was weird, but while they were _asleep_? That shit was just plain creepy. Simple.

She yawned, "I might...I think I'm still half asleep."

I got out and ran around to her door, helping her down so she wouldn't fall like before. Her stance was clumsier than it usually looked, so I held her whole left arm as we trekked down her vast front yard.

"I'm sorry" she mumbled when we reached her front door. I snorted.

"For what?"

"I fell asleep!" she sounded genuinely worried.

"Fuck, don't worry about it. I prefer you when you're asleep, and not gushing over Elvis, anyway."

She smiled dumbly at me, "Young Elvis was quite a charmer, thank you very much. You could learn a few things from him."

"I'm charming enough already. Don't you think?" I joked. She considered my question, and actually provided me with an answer. I wasn't expecting that.

"You're charming, I'll admit, but you could be so much more. The next young Elvis" she giggled. She was so, _so_ fucking cute. And she was flirting with me. She was testing my sanity, I was sure of it.

"You're delirious" I laughed, "Go inside, to bed, and I will see you tomorrow."

"I don't have my key" she moaned, "I'll have to wake Charlie up." She knocked lazily on the door. Nothing happened.

"You need to actually knock to make a sound" I sighed, "You know, put a little effort behind it."

She pouted, "I'm tired."

I knocked hard on the door. Twice. I heard footsteps approaching, along with unintelligible mumbling. Her father did not sound happy. I was suddenly scared. I wasn't a fucking idiot; I'd noticed the police car in the driveway. He must've been high up in the ranks of the police department in Phoenix, judging by the size of his house.

I considered turning around and running away. I really fucking wanted to.

But I stayed with Bella, holding her steady, and awaited her father's wrath.

"You're squeezing my arm" she whined.

"Sorry."

Charlie pulled open the door, looking dishevelled and pissed off. "What the hell is going on here?"

"Dad" she said groggily, "I left my house key-"

"Are you _drunk_?" he asked, eyebrows shooting up to his hair line. Bella scoffed.

"No. Tired. Let me in. Bye, Edward." She walked through the door without giving me a second glance. Charlie glared at me and closed the door in my face. I cringed.

I was not in Charlie Swan's good books. But I was in Bella's, and that was all that mattered for the time being.

Realizing that, I felt a sickness in the pit of my stomach. It may have been fear. But I was sure it was something closer to butterflies. Maybe this was what true friendship was; what it felt like to rely solely on one being. To have one person command your every thought, and your every move...

_I need a drink._


	5. Chapter 5

**AN**: I like this chapter. It's been my favourite to write. So, I hope you all enjoy it, too :)

**Bella.**

Nothing could bring down my mood the day after my night at Edward's. Not even Charlie ranting on about my apparent lack of respect, maturity and responsibility. Sure, I might've pissed him off, but it was worth it to me. I felt rejuvenated. I felt valued.

I felt new.

Three weeks into my new life, Charlie had apparently had enough of the change. He was a man used to routine and normalcy. I didn't blame him for flipping out at the slightest sign of variation in our lives.

"You slept in" Charlie grumbled, "Again."

I skipped to the kitchen and put two slices of bread in the toaster. I poured myself a cup of coffee as I waited. It smelled absolutely welcoming. Smiling, I brought the mug to my mouth and sipped. Charlie raised his eyebrows at me as I hummed in delight.

"And what's with the attitude?"

I snorted, "What attitude? I thought I _lost_ my attitude."

He thought on this for a moment before answering. "You have lost your _old_ attitude. Now you're all...rebellious. Bells, what's going on? It's that Masen boy, isn't it?"

"Dad" I sighed, "Please. I'm happy."

He grumbled into his cereal as I continued to hum through sips of coffee.

"I don't approve" he said sternly.

"I know you don't, and I know you think there's something going on, but there isn't. We're friends. Best friends. Nothing more."

"You spend too much time together."

I rolled my eyes at his obvious attempt to pick at straws. "You are unbelievable" I said as my toast popped. I turned my back to Charlie to tend to my breakfast.

"I'm realistic. Your grades can't be improving with this sort of behaviour."

"I'm keeping my grades up just fine. All I'm doing is spending a little more time having fun. You know, you should try it some time. It's really quite rewarding."

"Don't speak back to me like that, Isabella."

He only said my full name when I was deeply in trouble. The only problem was...I didn't know what I'd done wrong. Edward and I had spent nearly every afternoon at his house, but a lot of the time we were doing homework in his room. It wasn't as if we were out doing drugs or vandalising property.

The thought that Charlie was simply jealous had occurred to me, and, I still hadn't ruled it out.

"I'm sorry, Dad" I popped a piece of jam on toast into my mouth, taking the other in my free hand as I disposed of my dregs of coffee down the basin. "I ave oo go" I said through my toast, sloppily picking up my backpack and walking out of the door. "I uve oo" I called out over my shoulder, "ave a ood day!"

I shut the door behind me before he could answer, or supply yet another reason why Edward Masen was out of bounds.

* * *

I met him at our usual place. I liked that we had a usual place. It made my heart feel warm.

He was slouched against the brick wall behind the main building near the courtyard, smiling at me as I approached.

"You have jam on your face" he chuckled, wiping it off with his sleeve, "Again."

"Hey" I said with a false expression of hurt, "Don't bag my coordination."

"It's impossible to bag something you don't have" he shot back.

I laughed, "I'll pay that. You're getting good, Masen." I elbowed his ribcage. He flinched and elbowed me back, though considerably softer than I had- this was his gallantry at its finest.

"What's on the agenda for this afternoon?" Edward asked as we walked to our lockers. I considered his question in silence until we reached our destination. I'd been tossing around the idea of inviting him to _my_ house, since he'd never formally been for a visit. The only thing stopping me was Charlie.

"Can I get back to you on that one?" I asked finally as I watched him slip his backpack into his locker. He frowned.

"You spent all of that time thinking, and didn't come up with anything?"

"Edward" I said, sighing loudly, "Patience. Seriously; get some."

"Bella" he mocked, "A brain. Seriously; grow one."

I slapped him playfully. The bell rang.

"Fuck" he groaned, "I can't believe I have to endure my classes until lunch break with you. It will drag on for-fucking-ever."

"You swear too much" I scolded for the five millionth time since we'd known each other, "But, you're lucky it's endearing. Sometimes."

"You're lucky I'm swearing _to_ you, and not _at_ you."

"Swear at me all you want; I'm not intimidated by you. You're a softie."

"I-" he stuttered, "You-"

"Don't hurt yourself. Go on, get to class, you can't afford another detention. Your mother might just kill you."

Silence fell over us both. I felt instant regret at what I'd said. Edward's situation with his mother hadn't improved; if anything, it had worsened. Joking about the extent that she'd harm him was not a smart move. I mentally kicked myself for being so careless about what came out of my mouth.

"I'll see you in a few hours" Edward said miserably, pulling me into a warm hug, "Don't work too hard. You just might learn something, and we wouldn't want that."

I smirked, "Don't fall asleep."

"You know I will."

He walked off to his first class of the day, and I found myself unable to tear my eyes away from his retreating form.

* * *

We sat at our usual place. Another thing I liked. We had a place we always sat and ate. I'd steal his Pepsi, and he'd steal bites from my cheese pizza. We'd always eat the same things and laugh and punch each other and talk and talk and talk. I loved having a best friend.

Today, our choice of music was the Cure. Close To Me blared from his earphones as we simultaneously moved our heads along to the infectious tunes.

"I decided" I started; pausing to take a sip of Edward's Pepsi, "what we are doing this afternoon."

"Oh, really?" he asked, intrigued.

"Oh, yes."

"...Well?" he was getting impatient. His eyebrows knitted together, and his hands began to fiddle. I smirked to myself; he was utterly adorable when he was irritated.

"You. My house. Homework. Swimming pool."

He raised one eyebrow, "You mean, be in the vicinity of the dreaded Charlie Swan? The both of us? Sounds like fucking shambles."

I laughed, "He doesn't hate you, despite what you think. You make me happy. He has to realize that."

"Has he realized it yet?" he asked, knowing the answer. I shut my eyes tightly, exhaling heavily.

"No. He has not."

"Case and fucking point."

"Oh, Edward, pleeeease" I whined.

"I'm not in the fucking mood to have my fucking balls ripped off" he muttered, fiddling with the earphone cord.

I wasn't giving up. I'd already pictured the perfect afternoon we'd have together. I was not letting up; no matter how many times Edward dropped the f-bomb.

Just then, my cell vibrated in the back pocket of my jeans. I jumped, like I always did. Maybe I'd have to adjust the vibration settings...

"Hello?"

It was Charlie, "Hey, Bells."

"...What's up?" I asked. I heard a crackled sigh from his end. "What, Dad?"

"It's looking like I'm going to be in the office until the early hours of the morning. Are you alright alone for the night?"

I hesitated, "Sure. Alone. I'll be fine."

Charlie completely missed my hesitation, and the obvious tone of my voice that would have given away to anyone that I was hiding something. But bless his soul, he was entirely oblivious. Most of the time, Charlie was the best father in the world. He understood privacy, he was lenient, and he was completely clueless.

"See you tomorrow morning, probably" he said, his tone weary.

"Hey, Dad, chin up."

He chuckled into the phone, and I couldn't help but feel something was off. I put it down simply to exhaustion and frustration, mostly caused by his demanding job and daughter. But I couldn't worry too much about it now. I had more pressing matters at hand.

The pressing matter was munching down on my pizza beside me. I closed my cell and pressed my lips into a thin line, hoping I looked at least a little annoyed. It didn't work; Edward could see right through me.

"Don't pretend you care, I do this all the time. And I'm hungry."

"Why don't you just buy your own pizza, then?"

"Well that's stupid" he reasoned, "I don't want a _whole_ slice."

I rolled my eyes at him- something I happened to do a lot around him.

"I have good news, anyway, so stop stuffing your face with _my_ pizza, and listen up."

He swallowed a rather un-chewed portion of pizza, cringing at the obvious discomfort it caused. When he was finished, he gestured for me to continue.

"Charlie is out all night."

"And?" he asked. Was he really that stupid?

"Well, this means you can come over. Idiot."

"Oh, right! And don't be calling me idiot, you idiot."

"I'm far from an idiot" I defended, "Your IQ isn't half the amount that mine is. Face it; I'm the brains. You're the brawn...kind of."

"Must you hurt me so?" He jokingly grabbed at his chest, as if experiencing extreme heart ache.

"Yeah, I must" I said casually. The bell sounded. Edward swore. We hesitantly made our ways to our next classes.

I didn't concentrate on a single thing any of my teachers said throughout the remainder of my classes that day. All I could think about was that afternoon. Edward in a swimsuit. His skin. His hair, soaked. His laugh.

I groaned and hit my head on the desk in front of me. What the hell was wrong with me?

Somebody next to me cleared their throat; others stared at me in disgust. I didn't care. I brought my textbook to my forehead and began tapping it softly against the bone. I needed to snap out of whatever had a hold on me.

The teacher cleared her throat now. I nodded apologetically and pretended to get on with my work.

The classes seemed to go on forever. I don't think I could have ripped my eyes away from the clock above the front desk. When it hit three o'clock, and the end of day bell rang, I felt like dancing.

Nobody could have sprinted faster than I did to my locker. I bumped into people, tripped over my own feet, but that couldn't stop me. He was waiting for me when I arrived, one of his wonderful smiles forming as he saw me running.

"Eager, much?" he asked lazily, as if he hadn't just spent the previous two hours staring at the time, as I had. I knew he was. We both did it. We'd discussed it frequently. I didn't find it odd that we were both so excited to spend time with each other. But I did find it amazing. Amazing and lovely and cute and...I stopped myself from getting too over-the-top.

Edward noticed the apparent look of overexcitement on my face and chuckled, "You should calm down, or you might strain something."

I slapped his stomach, "Come on. Get out of my way."

"Make me" he teased.

I did make him. I ran my fingers delicately along each side of his ribs. He began to shake and chortle until tears ran down his cheeks.

"Okay! Fuck! Stop!"

I knew his weaknesses, and I was glad he hadn't discovered mine yet.

I pushed him out of the way of my locker door and collected my things, fumbling with them slightly as I hurried to get home. Edward and I walked swiftly to his truck, and, I jumped in without any problems. Again, we had another routine formed. He would drive, I would chip in for the gas prices occasionally. Most of the time, though, he refused to take my money. We argued frequently over this.

We bickered a lot, actually, but it was never serious. Each time, we would not be able to stop ourselves from laughing. We just couldn't stay mad at each other.

I smiled at Edward's profile as he drove the short drive to my house. He was looking better and better as time went on. I knew all about his struggles with alcohol, and, I was glad to see I had somewhat helped in curing him of his addiction. Hell, he looked like a completely new person.

We pulled into my driveway, and I saw that Charlie had been right; his police car was absent. I could have sworn I heard Edward sigh in relief, but I didn't bother to say anything about it.

Edward didn't need to help me out of his truck, but, knowing that did not stop him from rushing around to hold me as he pulled me down. It always put a smile on my face.

"So" he said on our way to my front door, "The last time I was here, things didn't go so well."

I smirked, "You brought me home at midnight on a school night in a groggy and disoriented state. Of course Charlie was going to freak out."

"True" he said thoughtfully, "Do you have your keys this time?"

"Duh" I said animatedly as I twisted the brass key into the hole. The door clicked open and I stepped inside, kicking my shoes off and practically skipping to my bedroom. I knew Edward would follow.

"My room" I announced happily, excited that it was finally _my_ turn to let Edward see a little more about myself.

"...Is messy" he teased, eyeing the piles of clothes and underwear on my floor. I didn't care what he saw. We were too close for me to be embarrassed by silly things such as intimate underwear, or packets of tampons on my desk. He snorted at my unorganized abode. I kicked his shin.

"We have to do homework firstly, remember?" I prompted, pointing to my floor. "You take the floor."

"I always do" he complained, "My spine is suffering."

"It can suffer some more. This is my bed. My house. My rules."

"I never did that to you" he noted. I shook my head.

"I don't care."

He threw his notepad at me.

We got started on our biology homework, but that only lasted half an hour at best. An argument over meiosis slowly developed into a conversation about our pasts.

"Since you already know the reason why I hate everyone" Edward started with a smile, "I want to know yours. And fuck, it better be good. I'm in need of some juicy gossip."

"You are such a woman" I stabbed at him with my pen from my place above him on my bed, "But, you really don't want to know." The conversation had turned serious, and, I wasn't prepared to ruin our great afternoon with my depressing life story.

"I asked, didn't I?"

I glared at him, "Really. Edward. I don't want to-"

"That's not fair" he interrupted, "I've told you so fucking much about myself and my life, and you've given me nothing. Our relationship is getting to be a little one-sided. I don't like it."

He had a point. He was always the one struggling, and I was always there to pick him up when he was down. I'd never shared with him things that he'd long ago shared with me. The guilt trip worked.

"Well, I don't really know" I said finally. Edward opened his mouth to argue, but I silenced him with a raised hand. "If you just let me finish-"

"Sorry."

I fought the urge to stab him again, "I...well, you've obviously noticed the lack of a mother in my life."

He nodded.

I took a deep breath, "She left us when I was four."

"Fuck" he mumbled, moving to sit next to me on my bed. I looked down and noticed he was gripping my hand. It was such a normal thing for us now, I barely noticed it.

"I don't know why, don't ask me; Charlie won't say a thing about it."

"I want to know what _you_ think" he said, massaging my hand. I could feel my lip quivering, and I knew I would cry. It was just a matter of how long I could hold out.

"I think she left because of me" I said, my voice breaking, "I just...I get this feeling."

"What feeling?"

"I catch Charlie looking at me sometimes and...well...he doesn't look like he _hates_ me, but I know there's something there. Something dark. I don't doubt he loves me, and, I love him too. Just...I don't know...it's stupid."

"Nothing you think could ever be considered stupid" he said in a voice that was just above a whisper. And that was when I broke down. Edward pulled me into his chest and I cried. I cried like an infant. I let everything out, and through my sobs I told Edward even more about myself.

"I'm not a virgin" _sob_ "But I wish I was" _sob _"I had a boyfriend in junior year" _sob_ "And he hurt me" _sob_ "Not physically, but, he cheated on me and..." _sob sob sob._

"Shh, Isabella, it's alright now" he cooed, rocking me back and forth in his arms. After a while, the sobs subsided, and I was free to speak clearly to him.

"I let him in, but not...not as much as I've let you in, or anything...but I really...I didn't _love_ him, but I was really falling for him. I found out because I needed to borrow his phone. His inbox...just thinking about it hurts."

Edward pressed me closer to him, and let me continue.

"And then there's senior year. The start of this year. I was in a fight, like, a physical fight. Some girls...they didn't like me...the ganged up on me and I don't really...I don't really remember much about it. I woke up in hospital."

"Fucking hell" Edward swore, squeezing me even tighter. I was sure I was going to burst, but I didn't care. His embrace was more than comforting.

"I think it's time we made use of your pool" he added.

**Edward.**

_Bella fucking Swan. Isabella fucking Marie fucking Swan._

She was my whole world now, and, I couldn't be happier. I didn't know what had happened to me over the past few weeks, but I felt new. I no longer sat in my room and drank, I no longer quivered under my mom's hits, and I no longer dreaded going to school, because with Bella Swan in my life, everything was okay.

But, fuck, she was messed up. I had known there was a reason to her shyness and inability to trust easily, but I never thought that much on it. Not until I saw her in her room, in her natural habitat. She seemed less tense and truly happy. I watched her while she scribbled down answers to textbook questions, her tongue pinched between her teeth. She wasn't worrying about how she appeared to others. It was fucking beautiful.

That afternoon, I asked the question as soon as it came to mind.

"Since you already know the reason why I hate everyone, I want to know yours. And fuck, it better be good. I'm in need of some juicy gossip."

Her expression went blank. Her face was pale. I'd said something wrong; I knew I had.

_Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck._

I got my answers, however. And they were not what I was expecting. My heart tore into little fucking pieces when she began to sob into my shoulder, blurting out about her mother's abandonment and her ex boyfriend's betrayal. I thought losing a parent to a horrific accident was torture, but it was nothing compared to having one wilfully remove themself from your life.

I wanted to cry for Bella. Fucking cry. I hadn't done that in...fuck...I couldn't remember the last time.

Bella had such a hold on me, yet I wasn't afraid of it anymore. I embraced it completely. We were a team. We were fucking perfect.

To cheer her up, I suggested we take a dip in her pool.

_Good thinking, you stupid fuck._

Yeah, it wasn't the best suggestion in history. There were ample ways to cheer a girl up, and swimming was probably not high on the list, but she agreed nonetheless.

I excused myself to strip down to my shorts, removing my underwear because I wasn't prepared to hang around for dinner looking like I'd wet my fucking pants. I waited for Bella to come out. She took a while, but, she emerged finally wearing a large white t-shirt. I cocked my head.

"What-"

And then I saw the shadows of her bikini underneath. A fucking _bikini._ That had to be the most attractive sight I'd ever seen, and she was covering it up?

_White t-shirt, motherfucker, you're in for a treat._

I smirked to myself, then smacked myself mentally. This was not the appropriate time to be picturing Bella soaking wet and exposed. Not. The. Time.

I inhaled deeply and took her hand without commenting on her appearance. I didn't want to say the wrong thing, or suggest that she was turning me on, so I settled with silence.

But fuck, was she turning me on.

Her hair had been let down, and I forgot how wonderfully long and luscious it was. I wanted to bury my face in it and breathe her in, but, that shit was totally creepy.

I'd spent the last weeks having mental fights with myself. I knew I'd developed some kind of attraction to Bella, but she was my best fucking friend. A part of me wanted to embrace my inner creeper and fuck her brains out. The other part, well, suffice to say the other part of me was completely and utterly disgusted.

And so it should be. Bella was off-limits. I couldn't ruin what she had; she kept me sane. I needed her.

Her pool was indoors. It was...immaculate. That was all I could settle for. I swore upon seeing it, and, Bella blushed. She hated feeling rich, especially around me. But I didn't care. I wasn't jealous of her anymore because I already had all that I needed, and she was right next to me.

I dropped her hand and leapt into the heated water. It was cool, but not cold, on my skin; a nice break from the sweltering heat of Phoenix.

She was in not too long after me. She initially jumped in with her t-shirt on, and, after realizing it was only going to cause problems, she peeled it off hesitantly. I tried not to stare.

I really did fucking try not to stare.

Her breasts, while not noticeable under her usual oversized t-shirt and torn jeans combo, filled her bikini top nicely. They were the perfect size, in my head. Not too big, not too small. Hand-sized. Her shoulders were too slender, too frail, but that was Bella's look. She was too small for the most part, but, it suited her.

And I had to hand it to her; she looked _amazing_ in a bikini. Through the distortion of the rippling water around us, I could see her petite lower half. Her too-skinny legs and her tiny waist. While most people would see her as...wrong, I saw her as perfect. She was who she was, and I adored every inch of her.

_You what? You fucking douche bag. Grow a fucking dick._

I sighed internally and drew my eyes away before she could notice. She hadn't, of course, and was too busy enjoying the pleasant water.

"This afternoon has been good" she said wistfully, pushing herself off the tiled ground to float on her back. The water framed her face and made her ridiculously long hair splay out in every direction.

I reached out and played with a bunch of her hair. Either she didn't notice, or, she didn't care. I was glad, either way, because her hair felt even softer underwater.

"Your _hair_" is all I said; a low growl erupting from my throat. She jumped at that, rolling over to see what I was fussing over.

I willed my erection to go away, but all I could see was her. In the flesh. Barely clothed. And her fucking hair. Her fucking hair was all down my arms.

Fuck.

She peered into my eyes, momentarily confused. And then it hit her. Literally.

She was so close to me. So close that...oh, yes, she was pressed against my arousal. It took her a while to realize what was prodding her, and I was glad to enjoy the few moments of fucking bliss until she flipped.

"What? Ohmygod!" she yelped once she saw. Oh, yeah, she saw. And I didn't fucking care.

This was it.

It was friendship or sex from then on.

I had to choose.

"Isabella" I purred, pulling her back towards me. She wriggled under my grasp, yet there was a dangerous smile playing at her wet lips. "Do you-"

And then Charlie Swan broke through the door to the pool room. I could have kicked him. I _wanted_ to kick him.

Fucking a-hole.

The moment, along with my growing arousal, was completely killed upon seeing the old man study our position. He looked like he wanted to protest, but apparently there was a more extreme issue on his mind.

"Edward" he panted, gripping at his chest as though he was experiencing great stress, "Edward, get out of the pool."

"Dad-" Bella began to protest. He palmed her off with a stern look.

I obeyed and climbed out of the water with Bella right behind me. I started to feel ill. Something was wrong.

Bella grabbed onto me tightly, and I knew she had the same feeling.

"Chief Swan" I said nervously, "What is going on?"

"Why are you home so early, Dad?" Bella interjected.

Charlie shook his head at her. It was obviously not an important fact right then.

My heart rate picked up, and, I felt like I could have fucking dropped dead from the fear. Was it Bella? Her mother? Something wrong with Charlie?

His face turned an even more intense white, and the words he spoke seemed muted, far away. "Edward...your mother...she's dead."

And then, I could have fucking sworn I did drop dead.


	6. Chapter 6

**AN**: Really nervous about this chapter. Hope it goes down well, and, I hope you all had a nice Christmas (:

Some gore, I guess, and adult stuff in this chapter.

**Bella.**

"Edward...your mother...she's dead."

I had been pissed off that my pool session with Edward was ruined by Charlie interrupting, but, as soon as I saw the look on his face, I knew it was serious.

The moment Edward and I had shared...I knew it would have led to more than our bodies pressed together, and suggestive words. It would have advanced well beyond that, and everything would have been perfect.

But Charlie came with his bad news, and Edward collapsed.

He fell backwards into the water; his body limp and pale. I screamed and jumped into the water after him. He was face-down and completely unresponsive to touch or sound. He was out of it.

And I was freaking out.

I tried to scoop him up, support him somehow, but I was simply too weak. Charlie had caught on and was suddenly beside me in the water, complete in uniform. He helped me pull Edward's body out of the life-threatening pool. I couldn't have been more grateful.

Edward wasn't breathing. Charlie began to pump his ribs while I blew air into Edward's mouth violently.

It seemed to go on for hours. I couldn't bear it.

Then, in a display of the most fantastic miracle I'd ever witnessed, Edward moaned. I lifted my lips off his mouth and he vomited a mix of water and lunch. It was disgusting, I'll admit, but I was too concerned about Edward to care.

He slowly opened his eyes and took in his surroundings. I wasn't sure what to say, so I simply planted a soft kiss on his forehead. A tear leaked down his wet cheek. It was the most heart breaking thing I had ever seen.

Once Charlie was certain that Edward was in no immediate danger, he excused himself and left us to sit in the pool room.

It was so silent that I was sure I could hear our breaths echo among the tiled walls. It was strangely deafening, and, I wanted it to stop. So, I turned to Edward, looked him directly in the eye, and spoke what came to mind.

"I am so sorry. I'm here. Always. I'll never leave."

"I know" he said, his voice croaky. It sounded painful.

"Do you need water?" I asked. He nodded. "Stay there" I said carefully, watching his blank expression with concern.

I rushed to the kitchen and poured a glass of ice-cold water. It would feel good, I was sure of it. Just in case, I tipped a few Valium pills from the medicine cabinet into my palm on the way back.

Edward was lying on the cold tiles, face-down, when I returned. I announced myself only by clearing my throat. Edward didn't sit up. He barely even moved.

"Here" I said as I approached him, "Water, and something to help you relax."

He sat up upon hearing the last item, "Valium?" he asked skeptically. I nodded.

"Take it. You can stay here tonight."

"I don't want to impose."

His voice was so flat, so blank. It hurt.

"It's better than staying home."

Edward didn't get a chance to argue.

Charlie knocked on the sliding glass door. I waved him in. He looked upset; _genuinely_ upset for Edward's loss, and his wellbeing. I knew he didn't hate him.

"Edward, I just got off the phone with the team down at the station" he paused, choosing his words carefully, "Tomorrow morning, they want you to go and sign some papers, and help out with the investigation."

"Investigation?" I asked stupidly, "But they only conduct investigations if there's been a murder or suicide..."

Charlie flinched as I said suicide. Edward didn't miss this, and, he inhaled sharply. Charlie and I froze, awaiting his reply.

"Sure. Look, Bella, I'd really like to just go home..."

Charlie's eyes widened, "Edward, you can't go home, there's an investigation going on right now..."

"I won't stay there. I just need to see..."

Without having to explain himself, I knew Edward's intentions. He needed to say goodbye, whether his mother was present or not. He needed some clarification, some closure. And I would supply him with that.

"I'll drive you."

"No, I want to go alo-"

"Edward, you've just popped four Valium. You're not fit to drive."

Charlie's face tightened at the mention of the Valium, but, he didn't protest. I didn't think he would. Edward needed it. We both knew that.

* * *

The drive to the Masen home was...sad. Edward had slipped into a state of severe catatonia. He didn't respond to me at all. His body was limp and fragile from the Valium, yet his mind was sharp, but someplace else. Not here. Not with me.

I wanted to know what he was thinking. I wanted...I wanted to _help_. But all I could do was drive him to the scene of his mother's suicide. All I could do was feed him drugs. I hated how useless I felt, but I was certain it was nothing compared to what he was feeling.

I couldn't even begin to comprehend what he was going through. I didn't want to. It would hurt us both too much.

"We're here" I said quietly, not expecting a response. But, to my surprise, Edward unclipped his seatbelt and stepped out of my Volvo. He still hadn't said a word to me, or even looked at me. It was unsettling, but I knew I shouldn't have expected too much from him.

His mom had just freaking killed herself. I was...I was a goddamn idiot. That's what I was.

I was just so used to the state of normalcy we'd achieved, I was in shock, and I was in denial. Things were changing so rapidly. I hated it. I hated everything.

And Liz...she'd killed herself. I hated her. I hated her for Edward, and for myself.

Edward practically sprinted to his front door. Red and blue police lights lit up the driveway. Nobody wanted to see those lights outside the front of their house. Nobody.

But we were seeing them. They were real. This wasn't a dream. I'd tried pinching myself on the drive there, but, I felt the pain, and I didn't wake up.

The saddest thing of all was seeing Edward's eyes change from happy to...devastated. They were more than that; they were lost. It was as if he's suddenly lost so much of who he was. I was so worried, it made me feel sick.

"You can't go past here" a tall, burly officer said to Edward, holding out his arm to restrain him. Edward pushed through, despite the obvious strength of the officer, and ran inside.

"He's the son." It was all I could say, "And I'm the..."

What was I? Girlfriend was not the right word. It felt like we were more than that.

Friend. Friend was too casual, and probably not enough to get me through the front door.

I settled with daughter of Liz, since, she'd once told me that she's always wanted a daughter. She had hugged me and whispered into my ear, that one day she hoped I _would_ become her daughter.

The officer let me through hesitantly, and I instantly saw Edward. He was on the floor, curled up into a ball. I saw his body shake uncontrollably, and it was obvious that he was sobbing.

The officers nearby cleared out of the room, advising me not to contaminate any of the evidence, and left us to our despair.

All I could do was stand against the wall and sob along with Edward, because what I saw was horrific.

The living room that I had spent so much time in with Edward was now just a room. It was less than a room; frankly, it was a collection of destroyed furniture, broken appliances and pools of deep, red blood. It was still wet, though beginning to clot and dry up.

I gagged a few times.

Edward stopped sobbing before I did. He hadn't heard me until he stopped, and he stood up instantly and rushed over to hold me to his chest. His heartbeat was surprisingly very slow and comforting.

"Oh, Edward" I cried into his bare chest, "I can't believe-"

"Shh" he said, rocking us back and forth for the second time that day, "It's okay."

It struck me as ridiculous that he was comforting me. He was stronger than I could ever be. I admired him for that; probably more than he would ever, ever know.

Edward pushed me away slightly so he could properly inspect the room. Now that he'd exerted his tears, he was free to really absorb our surroundings.

The blood. The vomit. The smashed television screen. The scattered DVDs and alcohol bottles. The torn couch.

And finally...the spot where Liz had clearly died. There was a distinct splatter of blood where her wrists and mouth had been, and there were other unidentifiable stains on the carpet that suggested her death was violent and unpleasant.

Edward didn't say a word. I could barely tell if he was still breathing.

"It's time to go" I said finally, taking his hand in mine. I seemed to shock him out of a sort of trance, and he looked at me, confused.

"You're tired. You need rest."

He let me drive him back to my home. Charlie agreed to let him stay, as long as he remained in the guest bedroom.

Of course, I argued with him.

"He can't be alone. He's...I'm scared about him."

"What else am I meant to do, Isabella? I'm not just going to let some boy-"

"He's not _some boy_, he's my best friend, whose mother has just died. It's not like we're going to be doing anything shady. _His mother has just died!_"

Charlie lost.

Edward, wearing a pair of Charlie's sweat pants, climbed into my bed beside me. He was warm and soft and...heartbroken.

I hugged him tight. So tight, I thought my arms might fall off. But they didn't, and we stayed wrapped in each other's arms, not uttering a single word, until we both were overcome by exhaustion.

I woke up two hours later. I could taste the panic in the air.

Edward was thrashing about in my bed, still asleep, obviously having a nightmare. It took me a few minutes to wake him, and when I did, he was shaking in a cold sweat.

"Oh, God, come here. You're freezing."

Edward snuggled into my arms. I felt, for the first time that night, like I was actually helping him. It wasn't much, but I knew I was making a difference. What would have happened if he'd not known me, and I wasn't here to comfort him? Would he be dead, along with his mother?

I cringed at the thought.

"Edward, please, speak to me." I knew it may have been selfish to push him so hard, but I was scared, and I had no clue how to handle him. So I just went with instinct.

"What do you want me to say?" he asked dully. I shrugged.

"I just...I think I just needed to hear your voice."

He attempted a smile. He didn't succeed.

"Thank you, Bella."

"Thank _you_, Edward."

He woke me up again an hour later. We went through the same thing. I refused to grow impatient with him; it wasn't his fault. I knew whose fault it was, but, I wasn't ready to place blame just yet.

I felt ashamed at the intense hate I'd felt for Liz before, and I was determined to keep that out of my mind while I was in Edward's company. It just didn't seem fair on him.

None of this did.

The third time he woke me up, I noticed something was different. His eyes were wilder than they'd ever been, and his body was shaking even harder. He was so cold.

"Jesus, Edward, you're...you're like ice."

He simply nodded and shook some more.

It took a while, but, somehow I ended up underneath his body. His arms were resting beside mine, holding himself up so he wouldn't crush me. His lips were all over mine. Frantic. Desperate. Lonely.

I let him do it to me, because, well, he needed it. I think we both did.

Our kisses were becoming more passionate, more desperate, and I knew that our clothes would soon be on the floor. And they were within minutes.

I barely had time to examine his body, but I did get a few glances. The moonlight jutting in through my open window illuminated his tanned skin, making him positively glow. He was muscular, but not disgustingly so. Just the way I liked it.

He stopped attacking my mouth to take in _my_ naked body. I tried not to blush.

He went back to kissing me, and I finally allowed myself to respond. I grabbed his hair with my fists and sighed into his kiss. He tasted better than I could have imagined. Minty, yet with a hint of cigarettes. And he smelled perfect.

His hands explored my body, rubbing my nipples harshly and caressing my stomach. I was starting to get...excited. Of course, I felt awful for feeling such a positive emotion at a time like this, but Edward was there. And he wanted me. He had me.

I was his. Completely and entirely his.

It was touching and kissing like I'd never experienced before. There was something beyond physical happening. We were connecting on a higher level than that.

And we fit perfectly together. Our bodies. Our hands. Our mouths. Our tongues. We were built for this.

**Edward.**

Bella's nails raked at my back as I groaned quietly. I knew Charlie would be in here as soon as he heard the slightest bump or moan. I kept shit quiet.

The further we progressed, the louder and sexier Bella's moans grew. I brought my hand to her lips and held it over them, translating to her that if we were heard, we were fucking goners.

We kissed and touched and stroked for...for hours, it felt like. But it wasn't enough. I felt hollow. What I was doing with Bella; it didn't feel real, or permanent.

"Do you want to-" I half-gestured to her pelvis. Hopefully she would get the hint.

She nodded, and that was all I needed. I allowed myself one more kiss, one more semi-innocent rake of my hands across her naked stomach, and then I aligned myself with her opening. I hovered over her, so the tip of my dick was barely touching her.

And then she did the sexiest fucking I think I've ever seen. She moved her arms down to my dick, wrapped her hand around it, and squeezed. I gasped because it felt that fucking good.

Sex wasn't a new experience to me, but, what lay ahead was something completely different.

She plunged me inside of her. Our eyes simultaneously lit up, and I couldn't tear mine away from hers. Unspoken words were travelling between our eye contact.

"Fuck" I whispered, slowly plunging myself in and out, in and out. Bella was moving in perfect harmony with me. I wasn't long off my climax, and she knew it.

She was just so warm. So fucking soft and warm...

"Oh, Edward" she moaned as I pushed myself completely inside of her. I filled her nicely. It was like we were fucking _meant_ to do this.

My moans evolved into grunts within a minute, and, I could feel the pressure building inside of my lower stomach. I couldn't let go yet; I owed it to her. I needed to feel her breath on me, feel her nails dig in, feel her teeth wrap around my skin and clench down hard.

And, I did feel all of that.

In a split decision, I brought my right hand away from her collar bone, and felt for her spot.

When she gasped and clamped her legs together, I knew I'd hit it.

"Fuck, Bella, let go" I urged, thrusting harder into her, rubbing harder on her clit. "Fucking let go."

And when she did, I couldn't help but explode into what must have been the greatest orgasm in fucking history.

She clawed my back, bit my wrist, and slammed her body against mine. I quickened my thrusts, feeling the pressure release.

"Holy mother of fucking God" I moaned as I felt myself pour into Bella. She felt it, too, and smiled.

I fell asleep on top of her immediately afterwards. Completely fucking satisfied. Completely fucked.

* * *

It was morning when I finally awoke. I was alarmed to find myself fully clothed, lying on Bella's floor. Alone.

I didn't bother to get up. There was no point.

I'd had ample time to process my mom's death, but, I still had...doubts. She couldn't be gone. She was my mom. She was always there, whether I wanted her to be or not.

My eyes stung, and I felt tears beginning to trickle down my face. I just couldn't handle everything.

I was down a mother, and up a lover.

I did love Bella. I fucking adored her. She was my whole fucking world, now.

But...I missed my mom, no matter how she may have treated me. She was my _mother_. I didn't hate her. I never did, and, I don't think I ever could.

She left me, and, I still fucking loved her. I still wanted her back.

The idea that I was the cause for her suicide had occurred to me. I tried desperately to bury that particular theory. I was yet to find something that worked.

Reality was inescapable. I couldn't forget about anything, no matter what I tried.

Even while having sex with Bella- I still felt that nagging self hatred in the back of my mind. I had little doubt that I'd be feeling like this for the rest of my dreary fucking existence.

I should have been the slightest bit happy. I was in love. Finally, I'd found somebody who I could connect with on a whole new level. We were unbreakable, we were unlimited.

But I wasn't happy. At all. I was...angry. I was angry at myself. I was angry at my life. I was angry at Charlie fucking Swan. I was angry at the police and whoever else got in my way.

I was angry at everyone and everything, except for Mom and Bella. They were the exceptions. They would always, always be the exceptions.

Somebody knocked softly on the door. I didn't sit up or even attempt to; I maintained my position on the ground, my back to the entrance.

"Edward, are you awake?"

It was Bella.

I wanted to jump up and pull her into my arms. I wanted to confess to her that I loved her to fucking pieces. I wanted to do so many things to her, but I didn't. I had the desire, but not the motivation, and not the energy.

So I stayed on the floor.

Bella kneeled down beside me. I could feel her hands caressing my back, attempting to comfort me. I wish I could say it worked, but it barely did a fucking thing.

It was probably comforting her more than it was me, anyway. So I let her continue.

She leaned over my body and planted a warm kiss on my cheek. I kept my eyes shut tight.

Soon, I was asleep again.

* * *

"Edward, you really have to wake up now" Bella said softly, pushing lightly on my shoulder. I groaned. I didn't want to participate in fucking life. I wanted to sleep. I wanted to take Valium and sleep.

"Please. I'm so worried about you." Her voice cracked and she began to sob quietly. Warm tears fell on the side of my neck.

_Say something to her, Masen, you useless fucking loser._

I didn't turn to her. I couldn't muster up the energy, or the confidence to look into her eyes. But I did speak.

My throat was dry and sore, so my words came out croaky and unlevelled.

"I don't want to go anywhere."

She remained silent for a long time.

"You have to go to the-"

"I know" I interrupted, gasping at the pain that shot down my throat.

"I brought you water" Bella said, setting down the glass in front of my face. I sighed, knowing I would have to drink it, and sat myself up. I leaned against her bed frame for support. My head was spinning; I couldn't trust my coordination.

She scooped up the glass and held it to my mouth.

And she fucking poured it into my mouth. She was fucking _feeding_ me.

I was a hopeless, useless motherfucker. I was disgusting.

Her eyes never left my face. I drank with my eyes closed. There was something in her stare that I wanted to avoid at all costs. Maybe it was because, when I'd gazed into them last night, all I could see was sadness. Her despair mirrored my own, and it hurt to see.

I didn't need to say thank you to Bella. She knew that I appreciated her more than I had anything before. Especially now that I'd lost my fucking mom.

I choked out a sob.

So did Bella.

Then she hugged me, and flashbacks of last night commanded my every thought.

It was, ironically, the best night of my life. It was also the fucking worst, and I wanted to die. I just wanted to let go and die. I wanted everything to end.

The only thing stopping me was the shining beacon of light in my life, and, well, it wouldn't take a brain surgeon to understand who was responsible for this.

"When do I have to be at the station?" I asked Bella. My voice sounded almost normal again, despite the hollow tone I spoke in.

"You mean _we_" she corrected. I must have grimaced at her assumption, for she sighed and placed her hands on my face, bringing it level to her own.

"I am not letting you do this alone. I'll be damned if you have to sit in that office, answering questions and looking at coroner's reports all alone. That's just...I can't do that. I won't let you."

I leaned forward and pressed my lips to hers. That was the only way I felt I could convey what I felt for her at that very moment. Words would have failed miserably.

"Come on" Bella said after yet another silence. She didn't mention our kiss.

She helped me clean myself up, and fed me another Valium because I collapsed in her bathroom. Crying. Fucking bawling like a child.

I hated that she had to see me like I was, but, there was nothing I could really do.

I wasn't strong enough to simply not cry, or ignore what was happening all around me.

I fucking wished I was, however.

The police station was horrible. It was cold and unwelcoming. Of course, I had been there several times. I'd stayed there overnight on a few special occasions. I was no stranger to this place.

I sat in the hard plastic seats, waiting for the receptionist to call my name. Bella paced around the waiting room, never saying a thing to me.

I'd either scared her off with the kiss, or, she just didn't know what to say. I would place money it was the second. I just knew her, and, she wouldn't be scared off by a kiss.

_Would she?_

The sex was different. While I felt so much fucking love and adoration for her during the act, it was more for comfort, than anything. At least, that was what I felt from her.

I couldn't be sure how she felt for me. We had chemistry but...I didn't know. Fuck, with chicks you could never be sure of anything.

"Masen" the receptionist called. Initially, I didn't move. I didn't even look up, because I hadn't heard her. I was too lost in my own fucked-up world.

I noticed that things around me didn't seem as sharp as they once had. People's faces became hard to distinguish, voices blurred together, and so on.

I recognized Charlie's voice. He was seated at a table with two other men. I didn't give them second glances.

"Edward" he said carefully, "How are you feeling?"

"Awful" I said, because there was no use lying. I felt like fucking death set on fire, and then hit by a bus.

Nobody said anything for a while. I could feel Bella sobbing beside me.

She cried a lot. It hurt me every time I noticed her tears.

"We're going to assume that you don't know why you're here today, even though I know you do. Elizabeth Masen has passed away, and we've found her case a little...peculiar. Her death was not natural, and we're most likely considering this a suicide, but there is still the chance of..." he paused and frowned, "...Homicide."

My stomach dropped, "Are you fucking kidding me?"

Charlie couldn't respond. He shook his head and stared down at his hands.

Bella pushed her chair from the table and stood up, "Charlie...Dad...I'd like a word with you."

"I'm on duty, Bella."

"_Now_" she growled.

The remaining officers began to hound me with questions while the Swans were absent. I answered every one of them with pure contempt and offense.

"Where were you on the eve of Mrs. Masen's death?"

"At Bella Swan's fucking house."

"Did you hate your mother?"

"_No_."

"But she gave you reason to, yes?"

"She was troubled."

"Would you classify yourself as troubled, Mr. Masen?"

"What? Fuck. My mom just died..."

The questions went on. I wasn't expecting a fucking interrogation. I should've had a lawyer with me or some shit. I was sure I wasn't following proper interrogation etiquette.

I just wanted to leave. My mom had obviously killed herself. Why were they so intent on knowing so much?

"Can you fucking stop, now, please?" I snapped as Bella and Charlie came back inside.

"Gentlemen, that will be enough for today. I think we can all obviously see that Edward here is deeply upset by his mother's death. He was nowhere near her at the time...I could continue" Charlie said harshly, gathering his papers and switching off the microphone on the table.

The two officers left the room. Charlie went to follow them, but, hit the doorframe with his shoulder on the way out. His papers skidded along the floor, and I instinctively went to help him retrieve them.

And then I wished I hadn't.

There were photos. So many fucking photos. Coroner's photographs of my mother.

"Edward, don't-" Charlie began, but he was interrupted by Bella's loud gasp.

It took me a while to absorb what I was seeing. When I finally did, I threw up and blacked out.


End file.
